there isn’t enough time in the day to be a woman

Nobody told me these suspenders were going to give me cameltoe

At any given moment – like Vespers – a YANKEES SUCK chant is occurring somewhere in the world

My favorite part of Star Wars was when Ripley would give a hysterical guy the Vulcan pinch thingy

You kids and your fancy bathroom alchemy. Time was, all you need in the shower was a bar of soap, a can of Schlitz, and a crippling fear of intimacy

France should build another Statue of Liberty that's 100 feet taller.

Poor little guys…

A black cat sitting in a windowsill in the sun

Good morning, sunshine

Such hard little workers.

The gauntlet they run to get a chance to spawn reminds me very much of high school

I can’t get enough of these beautiful little fish

The steel guitar bridge in a Hank Williams song gives you time to think about what you’ve gone and done

They said I’m a fine girl? Is that all they said about me?
-Brandy

You guys go on and keep reaching for the stars. I’ll just stay here and have an egg.

Herring run today, Bourne, MA

There’ll be skipping and dandelion picking. All part of the magic of the game

As a former little league coach, the only advice I’d give to you moms and dads coaching your own teams is to let Andrew keep chewing on his glove out there in right field. It’s not hurting anyone and he doesn’t have much else to do. Also, use Three Stooges bits for steal signs

Tower of Power - What is Hip (Album Version) YouTube video by 5395zxc

Oakland’s finest! Come for the horn section, stay for rhe groove youtu.be/oAatPPEaZDA?...

Right…?😂

Gary from Goodrich Lumber has put me on hold while he looks up the price of drop-siding and the light of a happy eye. “They’re both pretty rare,” he cautioned.

Not to get too ribald or anything but I think a lot about those exposed tenons on the top of the sarsen stones at Stonehenge

*me and Beethoven sitting across from one another at a wooden table*

-Beethoven: What? (in German)
-me: What?
-Beethoven: Huh? (in German)
-me: What?

I’d have to say my biggest character flaw, aside from the ongoing moral turpitude, is the fact that I love the band Boston so much, like A LOT

Exactly. Whatever works. Don’t tell anyone, but my dad had me ‘keep stuff from flyin’ away back there’ all the time. I used to love it. 😂

Isn’t that what kids are for? 🤷‍♀️🤭

One of my biggest fears is driving down the highway with an unsecured load. That’s not even a metaphor.

My retirement plan is to observe and keep a log of the places where the squirrels bury their acorns

Got my blinders on like an old jade horse pulling an ice wagon.

I've also been on the skids all day, Bluesky. I'm in a Waffle House in Georgia.

I miss Evel Knievel. He would just jump over some shit and fix all this.