Thanks! Do you have a cooking channel on youtube?!

Ludicrous, indeed! I shall be respecting your privacy during this difficult time.

Woah

Faaascinating. Always a good idea to pick a few zero-internet days, but now I want to call it Artemising.

The days are JUST PACKED.

Gorgeous. Goosebumps!

I hate to sound dense: but it's just a phone-as-camera at that particular moment, right? Not getting a signal? Because service doesn't go out that far. Ooooor is there a booster up there with them?

Cat: YOU GOT A HOT TAKE, THUMBS? GO DO YOUR TAXES AGAIN. YOU'LL CHEER UP.

I could cry. That man better not die before it comes out.

This belongs in a museum.

Of WHAT is an unfortunate debate.

-most socks and underwear have too much sugar and high birth rate
-any teens you care about should be washed in mesh bags
-it is good the color rate is going down, especially for laundry; fewer parents with color vision

I tell him “bouncing baby boy” is a myth, but I bet it will be different for him.

I might or might not have stirred a stunning amount of shredded cheese into the last few tablespoons of hummus. Which then holds up really well when spread onto crackers. Allegedly.

trending topics 1. Tim Cook 2. Political Commentary 3. Amazon Collusion 4. Orange Dipshit Whose Name Shall Be Redacted Even In Alt Text 5. Tim Cook

I guess when you’re known for duplicity, you trend not once but twice, simultaneously.

Yeah, but I bet Somalians have necks.

Today I turn 89. I’ve seen this country at its best and its worst, and I know how much community matters. For my birthday, I’m asking you to stand with PFLAG and support the work that’s helped so many in the LGBTQ+ community, including me. give.pflag.org/page/95493/d...

Firing up the Easy Bake Chemotherapy Device, natch.

*grumbles because none of my friends currently floating in the southern Indian Ocean have reliable internet reception*

Our planet is smaller than the Sun popping a zit.

But only 1/7 of that time is Mondays!

Old: sharknado
New: sharkcheeto

So

Float rather than sink?

A set of expression sketches of my OC Sofia

More expression sketchies~ ✏️

um why would a real bear have such an obvious bellybutton?

um why do we need a placental stuffed toy?

um are there both a sewn-in manufacturer’s washing instructions tag AND a bellybutton?

Michelle—
You have a cat now. And that cat is your new employer.

Did I want to soak the dish soap cap so that it didn’t look like a festering alien orifice? WHY YES I DID WISH, BUT REFRAINED AT GREAT COST TO MYSELF

do you know how many people have had intimate encounters with my hands and NONE of them have said this?

Cozy backsplash of kitchen sink, complete with sponges, windowsill, domestic artifacts, and a couple of wee succulents.

To be fair, I was not 100% honest in my framing. Still, I feel the nutrient bottle could be elsewhere. Because, why isn’t there a hand soap? Because we use the dish soap, etc, etc.

Apropos of nothing, I don't want to live on a planet that contains both names "Ed Zitron" and "Zac Efron."

Y'all just making shit up, now.

Who's next? "Fracon 'the frac' Edzit"?

Home sink arrangement of hand-pump bottles including dish soap. A shorter orange and green bottle is next to it, label facing away.

Orange and green pump bottle of Succulent Plant food.

At Catsit Rozie’s house, this orange and green bottle looks like hand soap to me.

It is not hand soap.

On the plus side….my hands no longer lack nitrogen.

I’ve had the same editor since 1967. Many times he has said to me over the years or asked me, Why would you use a semicolon instead of a colon? And many times over the years I have said to him things like: I will never speak to you again. Forever. Goodbye. That is it. Thank you very much. And I leave. Then I read the piece and I think of his suggestions. I send him a telegram that says, OK, so you’re right. So what? Don’t ever mention this to me again. If you do, I will never speak to you again

Maya Angelou on the joys of being edited