sooooo hopefully good news soon instead of this stuff? :'3

- dusk

anyways... i guess we'll see how it goes. worst case scenario, we might need to completely uproot ourselves again or start couch surfing until we can figure something out. or maybe we just need to find another abandoned building to run to like we did as a teen lmfao (dear god. no. i can't do that)

it's a problem with the people here. and really, i should've just expected this from the people who used us this way our whole life, but i had hope that things would be different. i had hope that we could all try to be functional (if disabled), mature adults. but uh, guess not lol

and honestly as much as i want to be excited to move into this new house, i know that we're just going to keep having the same issues over and over again. if us being gone for 5 years didn't fix the problem of them using us as a crutch to our detriment, then moving into a new place won't either

i say all this because i need to get it off our chest, but also because i think i need to start taking the mask off more here. we've been scared to talk about how we really feel and how much we're actually struggling in public ever since we had a breakdown used against us in the past

but then we're hit with the reality that i'm not sure if we'll be able to make that happen anytime soon, if ever at all, because of our health and disabilities

there's something profoundly sad about feeling like "1 bedroom apartment to myself in cheap michigan city" is too high of a bar to clear

it's exhausting. we're exhausted. we're fatigued and in pain and burnt out in ways that i don't know if we can ever truly, 100%, completely recover from

and the worst part is, every so often we get a taste of what it would be like to live on our own, and it's GOOD

turns out, nope! we immediately got slotted back into our old role of being the functional, responsible one, even though we're struggling like hell to stay any semblance of functional :'D

we went right back to being everyone's go-to for ranting and problem solving and conflict avoiding.

can't remember if we've already talked about it here or not, but when we moved back here we were hoping that the time we had away from the place would fix certain things. i thought that us being gone for 5 years would mean everyone had grown to figure out their own issues without us being needed

life update: haven't stayed at the new house yet but nana is determined that we will do it TONIGHT no matter WHAT so we shall see how that goes

honestly though, we're kinda at the breaking point of what we can stand while living here, so things are pretty rough right now </3

but yeah, figured an update would be nice. we're thinking about stuff and still going through it pretty bad right now, but we'll survive <3

- dusk

we MIGHT finally be moving into the new house that our grandma bought by the end of this month, but she kinda keeps saying that and then... nothing much happens. soooo, we'll see i guess. we're hoping that getting into the new house will give us a better environment for streaming & similar <3

and obviously content delivery of some kind, probably. we don't really have much to share there right this second but we are working on things again! just... very slowly. we're still perishing a lot with everything going on for us lately :'D

not really sure about all that though tbh. ultimately we just want a stable platform with features we care about, like transparent earnings, visible goals, lots of compatible currencies/payment methods, both monthly and one-off payments, aaand some kinda working api or webhooks or something

at this point we've been sincerely considering just integrating something similar to patreon into our own site all by ourselves. we've found some pretty good "merchant of record" pay portals recently (polar.sh mainly) and we're pretty excited to mess around with what we can do with em

i love learning about a new patreon-like website (stacked dot com), getting really interested in trying it out, and finding out that the ceo is just like every other shitty techbro ceo

but hey, that inspires me to talk about some stuff related to that at least uwu

we believe in you!! ❤️

oh and dw i did not pay for the book lmfaooooo
and i won't pay for the new book either. but i sure am gonna hate-read it just for shiggles. this is therapy for me, cuz it gives us a healthy outlet for anger and it lets us see how far we've gotten from days where we might've believed this crap X3

i'm liveblogging this hate-read in a friends server rn but i needed to breach containment for this one lol
sorry to inflict this on others but i need people to understand just how fucked up this kind of ideology is, esp since i learned that she RELEASED ANOTHER BOOK on NOV 25 of THIS YEAR!!!

"Remember, thoughts are the primary cause of everything"

i have no words frankly. no thoughts even. god bless. truly you are high on life and universe brained, ma'am

- Dusk

A screenshot of text from the book. Text reads: After I had my two daughters I was overweight, and I know it came from listening to and reading the messages that it is hard to lose weight after having a baby, and even harder after the second baby. I summoned exactly that to me with those “fat thoughts,” and it became my experience. I really “beefed up,” and the more I noticed how I had “beefed up,” the more “beefing up” I attracted. With a small frame, I became a hefty 143 pounds, all because I was thinking “fat thoughts.” The most common thought that people hold, and I held it too, is that food was responsible for my weight gain. That is a belief that does not serve you, and in my mind now it is complete balderdash! Food is not responsible for putting on weight. It is your thought that food is responsible for putting on weight that actually has food put on weight. Remember, thoughts are primary cause of everything, and the rest is effects from those thoughts. Think perfect thoughts and the result must be perfect weight.

y'all... i started reading The Secret (Rhonda Byrne) and i'm so. like.
i knew it was going to be bad, but oh my god, i did not think it would be THIS BAD

(CW for fatphobia, dieting/ED-adjacent talk, generally being disconnected from reality tbh)

previously we were known by greysdawn or the Grey Skies, but we've recently changed our name to reflect a lot of changes in our life. feel free to still call us Grey, that's fine with us!

we're cool with everyone as long as you're not hurting other people. and no, being endogenic, using contradictory labels (eg. he/him or bi lesbians), and not fitting into typical medical or societal molds for people isn't harming anyone. you're all awesome <3

hiya 👋 we're Selenelion Aberration, a plural system of over 100 headmates. this account is mainly for things that we don't want over on our projects account, which is @the-aberration.bsky.social

collectively we go by Sol or Selen and use he/they pronouns, and we're in our 20s

but uh, yeah, that's all for now methinks. see y'all in another month :3 //silly

- dusk

hmm . many things to think about lol
we have a work in progress blog thing that i might redesign for what we want and put up on a vps when we get a chance, but who knows when we'll have the energy for that 😔✌️ it's okay though, it's not super important or anything honestly X3

actually we've been really thinking about making a public blog of some kind again. not sure if it'd be on here, tumblr, or our personal website? but we want to like, start doing stuff in public again. not necessarily for attention or anything like that, moreso for... socialization? accountability?

"we're gonna post here more often" *radio silence for almost a month*
oops™

been trying to get back into hobby stuff without the pressure of Capitalism, which is a mixed bag tbh. but we stay silly :3

insurance finally activated so we get to go to the doctor and hopefully get a therapist soon yay

and for those of you wondering about me, i'm a disabled artist & developer that's repeatedly failed to turn those things into a career. i know how hard it is when you couple your identity with your outcomes, and i'm currently doing the work to break that connection. you can too. i believe in you ❤️

but just because it's hard doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't be done. you are worth the process to feel better because you exist. you deserve to have an identity that makes you feel happy and fulfilled because you are alive. it will take time, and it'll take energy, but it's worth it. i promise