Rowling: i mean, there are alsso plenty of ciss women whom i would never resspect due to their poor performance of traditional femininity
Rowling: like patricia highssmith
Barker: ha ha haha hahah
Barker: oh god i can't breathe hahahah
Rowling: look it'ss not sso hard
Rowling: if a transs woman meets my arbitrary personal sstandardss of performative femininity, then i might resspect her humanity
Rowling: it'ss not transsphobic becausse i treat ciss women the ssame way
King: huh!
King: she does have a point there
Barker: not really
Poe: isn't your trans friend bothered by the sorts of things you post online?
Rowling: oh well she's really not very online tbh
Barker: a trans person who not very online?
Barker: now i know you're lying!
Poe: yeah that sounds highly dubious
Rowling: why are you all ssso ssskeptical that i have a transs friend
Poe: well joanne it's just that
Poe: you're uh kind of known for
Poe: not liking them
Poe: it's kind of your whole thing
Rowling: i'm known for other sstuff too
Poe:
Poe: not really
King: yeah not really
Rowling: anyway my transs friend ssaid
Rowling: "joanne i think everything that you're saying is correct"
Rowling: "truly i am an abomination that she's be and also my breed of subhuman fetishist shouldn't be allowed to exist"
Barker: oh damn i didn't know you were friends with brianna wu
Rowling: yess it'ss true
Rowling: i do have a transss friend
Poe: what's her name?
Rowling: Ima Fakelady
Rowling: you probably don't know her tho
Rowling: she livesss in canada
Rowling: whatsss ssso funny? isss it ssso beyond believable that i would have a transss friend?
Barker: yeah it kinda is
Rowling: well you have to underssstand
Rowling: sshe'ss one of the good onesss
Barker: ah ha ha ha ha
Barker: oh my god
Barker: oh my god you're killing me
Barker: ha ha ha
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: exciting newssss
Rowling: i jussst sspoke to my transss friend
Rowling: who agreesss with everything I'm doing and thinksss itsss real great
Poe:
King:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Barker: ah ha ha ha ha ha
Poe: clive
Barker: no wait i wasn't done
Barker: aha haha ha ha!!
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Yi Shi Si Zhou: what if you killed a mushroom
Aliya Whiteley: what if you fucked a mushroom
Laura Cranehill: what if you married a mushroom
Molly Tanzer: what if you put mushroom in hooch
Bitter Karella: what if you put mushroom in titty milk
Ursula Vernon: what if mushroom but gothic
Silvia Moreno-Garcia: what if mushroom but gothic and also mexican
Saskia Nislow: what if a mushroom ate your kids
Junji Ito: what if there were mushrooms in your house
Jeff VanderMeer: what if you stole a mushroom's house
Andrew F. Sullivan: what if the real mushroom was capitalism this whole time
HP Lovecraft: what if a mushroom came from space
Caitlin Kiernan: what if a mushroom came from space and made zombies
William Hope Hodgeson: what if you hated the sea and everything in it and also there was a mushroom
Melville: whales are fish and no one can convince me otherwise!
Jeff VanderMeer: well, herman, if you look at the science
Melville: "ooo well if you look at the science"
Melville: shut up nerd
Mary Shelley: ha ha ha! i LIKE this guy!
John Langan: what kinda bait you using, herman?
Melville: whales are fish
Melville: i mean think about it
Melville: one, they live in water
King: sure, ok
Melville: two
Melville:
Melville: uh
Melville: well they look like fish
Melville: case closed!!
Melville: anyway, so whales are definitely fish
Poe:
King:
Koontz:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Barker: you sure about that, champ?
Poe: clive
Barker: i'm just askin
Poe: let him have this one, clive
Melville: listen
Melville: if there's one thing that i know in this world with 100% certainty
Melville: a truth i know as sure as day follows night
Melville: not an iota of doubt in my heart
Melville: it's that whales are fish
Melville: i'm going to attack and dethrone god
Poe:
Lovecraft:
King:
Koontz:
Barker:
King: why?
Melville: cuz he's a son of a bitch!
Judith Sonnet: it's true, he is
Wrath James White: you guys still believe in god? LOL
Poe: you know, many say that moby dick is cosmic horror
Lovecraft: what? no it's not!
Lovecraft: it's about a whale!
Herman Melville: it's not about a whale
Melville: it's about how i'm going to attack and dethrone god
Lovecraft: i'm the guy that invented cosmic horror!
Lovecraft: that's why they call it Lovecraftian!
King: oh yeah, they do that, don't that
Poe: it doesn't have to have tentacles to be cosmic horror, howard
Lovecraft: what are you talking about?
King: edgar's right, it's more about the insignificance of man in an unfeeling universe
Lovecraft: don't tell me about cosmic horror!
Lovecraft: i invented it!
TL Bodine: you know, Mt Everest is so big
Bodine: you might even say that the mountain is a cosmic horror
Lovecraft: what???
Lovecraft: no no no
Lovecraft: that doesn't make sense!
Lovecraft: it doesn't even have tentacles!
he's not a fan
important information 👇
Bodine: the thing about Everest
Bodine: it's not just a mountain
Bodine: it's a heartless, remorseless eldritch force of nature
Bodine: because a mountain can't die
Jordan Kurella: but what if it could
Simmons: you know, greta Thunberg says you shouldn't climb Everest
Simmons: probably
Simmons: she's worse than the nazis, if you think about it
Simmons: I HATE THAT AUTISTIC CHILD SO MUCH >:C
Simmons: i know it sounds like a ripping Indiana-Jones-style yarn
Simmons: so I hope you're ready for really interminable lists of mountaineering supplies
Simmons: ropes? check
Simmons: back-up ropes? check
Simmons: more ropes? check
Simmons: i also have an Everest story
Simmons: it's called 'the abominable'
Keene: well, that's got to have a yeti in it, right?
Simmons: wrong!
Simmons: instead of a yeti, my mountaineers are pursued by nazis!
Keene: sounds exciting!
Simmons: also wrong!
Bodine: as our heroes climb everest, they reflect on the real life mystery of George Mallory and Sandy Irvine
Bodine: who mysteriously disappeared on Everest back in the 20s
Dan Simmons: maybe they were trying to hide Hitler's secret pedo sex tape
Bodine:
Bodine: ok um well that is a theory