Cutting down my time on social media. See all future posts at borowitzreport.com

Renee Good’s family should file a $1 trillion defamation lawsuit against Trump, Vance, and Noem.

King Restores British Rule Over U.S. “We lost the colonies because our King went insane,” Charles added. “But now the shoe’s on the other bloody foot, isn’t it?”

“We lost the colonies because our King went insane,” Charles said. “But now the shoe’s on the other bloody foot, isn’t it?”

The ICE agent who murdered Renee Good was never in front of her car when he fired the three shots. I hope this helps Kash Patel and the FBI in their thorough investigation.

As I said, I lived through this. I remember.

JD Vance says “the far left” caused the woman to be killed in Minnesota. I think he means “the ICE agent to the left of her car.”

"The midterms won't happen" is right wing propaganda designed to induce hopelessness and passivity. Don't take the bait. That's exactly what they want you to do.

ICE Agents Murder Woman in Minnesota

George W. Bush Celebrates No Longer Having Launched Dumbest War in U.S. History CRAWFORD, TEXAS (The Borowitz Report)—Stating, “I never dreamed this day would come,” former President George W.

“If anyone was going to out-dumb me, it was gonna be this guy.”

Voting is what got us into this mess.

King Charles Seeks to Restore British Rule Over U.S.

25th Anniversary Offer Ends Soon Dear TBR reader,

Every subscription helps me make Stephen Miller cry.

When Season 1 began with a ketamine freak breaking into government computers I had no idea that Season 2 would be about kidnapping a dictator in Venezuela

No, he was still a disaster

It says something about how fucked up the world is right now that when Meet the Press announces its guests I find myself looking forward to hearing what Marjorie Taylor Greene has to say

Scientists Baffled by Marco Rubio’s Ability to Sleep at Night

The Borowitz Report Turns 25 A quarter century of making up the news.

In 2001, I started making up news stories and emailing them to friends. I had no idea that someday this would be how I’d make a living. I just thought it would be a fun hobby, and way better than gardening, at which I totally sucked.

Alina Habba

Maduro Requests Lindsay Halligan to Prosecute Him

Taking whatever you want just because you can is behavior consistent with being a pedophile

Hegseth Says U.S. Will Secure Venezuela’s Tequila Distilleries

That happened in Jan 2017

Trump said that Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado is not qualified to run the country because “her peace prize wasn’t awarded by FIFA.”

George W Bush Celebrates No Longer Having Launched Dumbest War in U.S. History

Trump Slurs Speech to Make Hegseth Appear Sober

Watched a full hour of CNN and they mentioned Marduro’s US indictment several times without once mentioning the drug trafficking CONVICTION of the former Honduran president, whom Trump pardoned. The joke’s on me for watching CNN—it won’t happen again

Bombing of Venezuela Earns Trump World Wrestling Entertainment Peace Prize

I think you mean WWIII. But Trump would have started WWII if he had had the chance

The Epstein files must be worse than any of us imagined