If you knew me, you’d realize that was a given

I, a radical humanist, have officially surpassed the age at which my parents became hard right boomers thanks to Fux News.

The pain gonna make everything alright

*caveman discovers weed*
*caveman invents fire*
*stone age begins*

a screenshot that reads: Bluesky paid you Apr 20 + $4.99 Please... stop posting

finally. royalties are coming through #BlueskyAmbassador

I’m committing a cardinal sin at the gym (granny panties and yoga pants)

Menswear writer here. 👋 Let me tell you why you shouldn't wear an armband like that. 🧵

Give me a hit of that high fructose corn syrup.

We need younger people in government because it’s way easier to get meds for erectile dysfunction than executive dysfunction

Smashing

at least your hands around my throat gets rid of two of my chins how do I look

She Talks to Angels by The Black Crowes on Apple Music Song · 1990 · Duration 5:30

Yeah She’ll tell you she’s an orphan after you meet her family

sex is great but have you ever been hit in the face with the smell of Panda Express after a workout 💀 🪦🪽

I’m more quiet riot than rebel yell

I didn't do meal prep yesterday.

I didn't clean the kitchen last night.

I woke up at 3:30am this morning.

All day, I dreaded having to clean and cook this evening.

Rooster cleaned the kitchen and made chili today and I almost wept with gratitude when I walked in the door.

#betterthanflowers

I don't need a hashtag telling me to boycott anything

Powerful timeline cleanse warning

He was a bum. He was going nowhere fast

I put the fun in defunct

Hey I just talked to my lawyer and he said it is illegal to not smoke on 420

idk, that’s awfully judgy, don’t you think your honor

I shouldn’t. It’s 1:40 pm and I still have meetings to attend. Oh what the hell 2 puffs cant hurt

I switched to Birks. C’mon

i had a friend who smoked pot and she married a man who wears tevas so no thank you

INTERVIEWER: what is your greatest weakness

ME: i don’t know the technical term for pee pee

INTERVIEWER: urine

ME: great when do i start

Happy 4 fucking 20 y’all

Everything you heard about me is true…except for the part about Tijuana. That actually happened in Juarez

Them:
Red Rover red rover let Jesus come over

Us:
Fuck this game y’all fuckin cheat!

She’s had some bad times and lived through some sad times.

Damn kids were eating whole corn cobs right off the stalk