I checked into my hotel room in DC, turned on the TV, and the first thing I get is Nic Cage saying “I’m gonna steal the Declaration of Independence.”

I’m on line behind a Rottweiler in a choke chain. He’s giving me a big happy puppy smile and wagging his tail and trying to nudge closer to get petted, but his person is calling him a bad dog telling him he is supposed to be scary. 😅

My sneezes have increased to sneeze-and-a-halfs. Instead of ah-choo I'm doing ah-chooHOO!! 😅

I love looking at "vintage" things on Etsy, like pretty glass bottles from 1999, and 200million year old ammonite fossils.

I love when I'm typing an in depth, researched reply to a work email, and my boss sneaks in with a "Let me look and get back to you!" and then tells me to answer the e-mail, and it looks like I'm only replying because he told me to.

I don’t think the New York City subway is particularly dangerous, but it is absolutely deeply weird. I just saw a skinny white boy with his jeans and undies at mid thigh, running up and down the car to show everybody his whole entire ass. He was wearing joker makeup too.

The conductor on the Amtrak to Philly, upon seeing that people are standing in the aisle after she told them not to:

“Oh my GOD youse guys make me wanna rip out my eyebrows!!”

My mother hates pickles. I love pickles. I bought cold cuts for us for lunch and got myself a little one serving pouch of pickle slices for my sandwich.

My mom is fancy so she decanted my pickles into a tiny bowl, and then started gagging at the scent of pickles 🙈

It's been going on all day for two weeks straight and I am McLosin' it.

I wish the hammering on the wall between my desk and the next apartment could match the beat of the music I'm trying to drown it out with

Dunkins & Donuts

Good Omens 3 release date: May 13, 2026!

In other news: HR administrators and managers across the globe are already wondering why everyone is suddenly taking this particular day off… and talking about the Second Coming?

a cartoon of snoopy and woodstock dancing with the words yay happy dance below them . ALT: a cartoon of snoopy and woodstock dancing with the words yay happy dance below them .

Good Omens 3 is coming out on May 13th! Smack dab between my birthday and @thenini.bsky.social 's.

Thank you 💜

Love you tooo

I'm just so fucking sad, dude. I don't know how to make it stop.

Today's challenge will be getting a haircut without crying and making it weird.

Ophthalmic tech, trying to keep me calm before shooting an air rifle into my pupil: "So, talk to me, how was your January?"

Me, whose dad suddenly and inexplicably passed away two weeks ago: "It was mostly okay."

Ophthalmic tech: "Aww, just okay?"

(2 of 2) street and learned that I do not know how to direct people who can’t see.

“So right now it’s a green light”
“For the cars or for us?”

Yeah I’m awesome at this lol

(1 of 2) When I was walking home I spotted a couple who were both vision impaired & using white canes trying to cross at a corner that does not have heavy foot traffic, so no good path already worn through the piles of snow. I offered to help them find the best path across the

That happened to me with wrapping paper last month

bsky.app/profile/them...

Undocumented immigration is a matter of not having all your paperwork in order. Paperwork. We've got raging jackbooted thugs running around shooting people in the face to enforce filing some paperwork.

2026 Trans Girl Scouts To Order Cookies From! This year, consider ordering your Girl Scout cookies from a trans girl scout to make their day!

1. Did you know that Girl Scouts has, for a long time, accepted trans girls and nonbinary scouts?

Trans kids are under attack. Every year, I make a thread of trans and nonbinary girl scouts you can get your cookies from.

Lets get our cookies from them this year in solidarity!

Brain, we are well into January. It's time to delete "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" from the mental jukebox. Please release me.

Aziraphale and Crowley are watching fireworks in London from the spire of Big Ben tower 🎉
Happy New Year everyone! 🎄✨

Happy Mayor Mamdani Eve, NYC!! 🎉

Me with my bestie in matching Grinch sweaters with the band Taking Back Sunday in matching gingerbread punk sweaters

I am so lucky 💚❤️

Seriously. I can fit my whole entire self inside this box and they used it for one single $5 roll of wrapping paper.

The same large shipping box opened to reveal a single roll of wrapping paper.

Yup. There it is.

A very large shopping box in a doorway. The box fills half the doorway.

Oh good, all the stuff I ordered from Target has arrived.