The workplace that was just given a terminal 5 month life expectancy at best is now chattering because I'm being promoted over people who have been there longer #killingmyself #TheRatRace

Union representative broke the news to us yesterday that doors are expected to shut on this place around June-September, that's the statement from the company's lawyers. So for negotiations next week she's trying to get us severance packages. Im tired of winning.

Today's morning meeting started with

"Yes, you heard right, we are in foreclosure."

Just saw a fancam of Tony Soprano set to Sidney Gish, the CIA is building a profile on me as we fucking speak

Drop the dukes, im gonna hit your throat so hard it fixes your fucked up voice

Only kept that account around for my unchanneled anger to eventually be seen by one of those losers. They dont deserve a good night's sleep

Leader of the Proud Boys seeing an 11 view tweet

"MODS! MODS!! MODS!! HELLPP!!"

Finally a good send off to that hell site

@ HawkTuah dont turn on the news today please

I look at the news about this here uh.. Trump guy? And he's like.. causin a big ruckus with our government and country, it looks like. Probably not good.

Anyway, have you heard of Damn, Daniel?

"I just think stuff's happening behind the scenes, like something bad will happen soon."

Heartwarming: This person had their headphones in and missed a near decade of online paranoia.

Catch up, we're at the rapid decline of his health post first assassination attempt.

"Ummm guys I know we're all working and making dinner and seeing friends, but does it feel like something in our country is wrong? Like anxiety about something bad? Its all terrifying low key.."

Foolish. Ellen Show viewers of the world observed the bus drive right past the stop with headphones in.

Overnights were a product of necessity (one car, couldnt overlap work schedules), and god my ass yearns for not using time off/taking reduced pay to enjoy a weekend with folks

This pissed me off so bad that I didn't care about my next interview and now I've got a mon-friday union job

Babies, to be honest

"You'll hear from us probably on Friday! Monday the latest!"

Tuesday, 7:04 PM:

I did a job interview at a place so pristine and like, above any league of job Ive worked at before and I put on like a masterclass of likable job interview candidate for 99% of it.

If I dont get this, there's straight up no God. Sorry, Christians.

They should do sleep studies on me. They'd probably learn so much

Had a dream Hunter Biden was putting on a snake charming show and I sneezed in the middle of it, causing the snake to bite him.

I had to administer antivenom, but luckily his veins were pretty hard to miss

Hulk Hogan down.

Air Bud Returns.

Sorry, BOZO, there's only room for -ONE- Gold Legend Around HERE 💥📢🐕

Two guys came up to me on the street with my friend and the real life quick time event appeared.

"Are you guys gay?"

"Yeah why"

And then they walked away so perplexed.

I win.

Logging on, babes

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty.

The Zack Snyder & James Gunn cameo scene on Rick and Morty started autoplaying thanks to a shit twitter video, and I viscerally recoiled hearing

"Hey, James Gunn"

"Oh hey, Zack Snyder-"

Out of these two designs that are so definitely them that they no longer look like part of the show.

Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jepsen is a beast of a pop hit. The blazing horn intro is so jarring that I used it as my alarm for so long, but it still kinda goes crazy hard. Songs got hands. I be crying at work wishin I were running away on some vague picturesque vacation with a man that dont exist

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou

I'm somewhat of a savant #influencer

i’m on bluesky now because andy mandy told me to and i trust that freak with my life