I almost certainly haven’t got the hang of my settings lol

I haven’t been on here in ages but I am very glad there is still Jorts content.

It must be nearly time for another Carbonara show because I’m currently learning a horrible mix of one of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s worst crimes, and Mike Batt’s best ever song.

You’re waaay underselling that, I’d want at least $10,000 a month and and even then I’d set a maximum word limit of 50 and charge an extra $10,000 per word over that limit. Plus £50,000 if you want a response, $100,000 if you want that response to be polite.

Nyarrrghhhhhhh that’s so frustrating!!! And so little you can do about it as well which doesn’t help the overwhelm of it all, does it.

Many sympathies, I’ve had ongoing work happening since august last year and it’s absolutely melted my brain for most of that time. Hope there is an end in sight soon. X

“Let me read me catalogue on vinyl flooring” “you know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting” oh good I’ve reached the life stage where I mostly identify with Barry have I, that’s nice

Spent several minutes this morning with a plumber here lagging the pipes trying desperately not to sing The Ballad of Barry and Freda at him, might genuinely be the hardest thing I have ever done

if i was hoping that my incredibly expensive piece of machinery would arrive at its destination on time and without any shenanigans i would simply not name it "odysseus"

I played this game for over 2000 and hours and my island is full of cats and fairy lights and it’s the happiest place on (not) earth.

Me and my best friend Knox, a chicken in a suit of armour, chatting in his garden full of gold flowers and candles

I had to sell my Switch last year to help with a vet bill and I’ve just been able to replace it. I cannot tell you how very grateful (and excessively emotional) I am about Nintendo managing to restore my Animal Crossing island for me 😭 MIM AND KNOX REUNITED OMG

One of the many great things about 60’s pop songs is that you can squeeze in dancing to like 400 of them in the 10 mins before a meeting

I can picture this very vividly! (I had a dim memory yesterday of once being at the arena for something where there was no queue for the ladies but couldn’t remember what … it came to me this morning though; it was a varsity ice hockey game. Checks out 😂)

No thank you 😂

I don’t think I’ve ever been at a single gig where the gents queue is longer than the ladies! Unless you include wrestling shows 😂

Anyway if that didn’t already make me feel old, being delighted to be home by 10.30 so I can squeeze in a bath before bedtime will surely do the trick.

Went to see ABC with a full orchestra, fucking great. Felt like the youngest person in the room for once, also fucking great. Posted about it on insta and my friend in her v early 20’s commented “oh my parents were there!” so that’s that bubble well and truly burst 😂

Who dressed Tan France up as Rod Stewart, I need to have a serious conversation with them immediately

There’s an episode of Queer Eye with a KISS super fan, aaaaaaaaah sweet crossover spot, get this in my veins nowwwww

Cheering myself up with a browse through the local auction house’s catalogue, someone may have to come and restrain me before I buy this tho (as if I could afford it but still!!)

www.the-saleroom.com/en-gb/auctio...

Ouch, too relatable 😂

I realise I’m probably not a typical MOTGP (member of the general public) but I had absolutely no intention of seeing this film UNTIL someone told me it was a secret musical

I’ve started writing a sitcom about clown murders, just in case anyone was wondering how my life’s going.

Really enjoyed watching this doc last night, seeing people be weird and creative is always a joy and I just deeply wish the dole / art school / squat systems that enabled so much of this still existed to support more modern day weirdos.
player.bfi.org.uk/rentals/film...

Saltburn and Passages both now available to watch from the comfort of my sofa, happy chaotic bisexual Christmas everyone.

Oh my god you got the hoodie

Oh wow, noooooooo. That’s so unexpected!

Aaaaaah congratulations pal!!! What lovely news!!!

I have always been fully committed to baddies made of bubble wrap, random quarries as distant planets, and a good old bbc corridor doubling as a spaceship. (And here I am in 2023 making panto props from toilet roll tubes and tights and lube, and realising something fundamental about myself…)

I hoped for more from the “everyone’s convinced they’re right” story but then I got distracted by the dance sequence 💃