Fun in the morning. Fun in the evening. Fun in the middle of the night. Haven’t slept in five days. Having fun. Can’t stop. Not allowed to stop. Seeing people who aren’t there on the periphery. People with party hats and fresh bottles of champagne.
A picture of a rather dilapidated copy of "The picture of Dorian Gray" There is visible water damage to the cover and the plastic cover is yellowing. Obviously, not evident from the picture but there is a truly foul musty smell emanating from it!
Last week, a gentleman returned this rather dilapidated copy of this famous book to us after 50 years. He had found it in his attic!
Presumably this means there is a pristine copy somewhere in our libraries....
You’ve read The Manual, I see…
I love that everyone with an infowars bumper sticker will now either have to scrape it off or drive around unknowingly supporting the polar opposite message.
Ranganathan’s Five Laws of Library Science, laws #2 and #3! The words sound evil coming from the chapped lips of the Franklin Branch Librarians—perverted, somehow.
“Alright, party’s over, folks,” Agnes says, her mouth utterly dry, her heart in her neck. “This meeting ended six days ago.”
She can hear what they’re saying now:
every reader his book; every book its reader. every reader his book; every book its reader. every reader his book; every book its reader. every reader his book; every book its reader. every reader his book; every book its reader. every reader his—
Agnes O. can’t make out what they’re whispering. She opens the door wider, takes a step in, flips on the light. NOPE. OH MY GOD. Flips the light back off. Takes a step backwards.
The Franklin Branch Librarians turn in their chairs to look at her—still whisper-chanting, still grinning.
DAMMIT. No one told the Franklin Branch Librarians their meeting was over. They’ve been sitting there in the dark, smiling pleasantly, hands folded, since last Monday. Coffee gone cold. Quizno’s party platter licked clean. It smells like piss, and they’re whispering something, all of them together.
This evening’s goodbye ends with a comma…inconsequential typo, or hint that the spirits don’t plan to rest tonight? 👀
I’ve taken to hissing whenever I see an elected official, then skittering off premises, stat.
FELT
Hi everyone, this is embarrassing. Just remembered today is my birthday. I’ll leave this up because there’s some good discussion in the comments
Oy, ye knowe what I do meane 🙄
*DUCKE
*Ducke
Ducke autokorect!
Some claim, behind that book, she has the face of a jackal. Others claim there is nothing behind the book—a void.
Just another Friday for one Jordan Shiveley
Also, that if you write a name on a slip of paper and throw it at Martha’s feet, you’ll get married within the year to that person.
—tremble before her horrible visage, and she shall divide the righteous from the sinners, and this, more than anything, shall be the mark of the end of times.
A small plaque at the statue’s feet simply says, “The Last Chapter.” No date, no artist. We’ve taken to calling her Martha. Martha has developed quite a lore over the years, especially among Shady Dell youth. For example: When Martha puts down the book, her face shall be revealed, and all shall—
Visitors often ask us about the statue in our lobby—a woman, 10 ft tall, bone thin, barefoot, her face buried in & completely obscured by a nameless book—but the truth is, we don’t know its origins. The statue predates the Library, with the latter being built up around the former.
#publiclibraries
I used to work at a library on the downtown square and it was like TV, watching all of those semis get stuck! 🤣
Obscene.
Everything else you’ve heard about them is true.
📚 appear in the mirror when you’re brushing your teeth, but then when you turn to look there is no one there
This National Librarian Day, remember that true Librarians do NOT
📚 hiss when you check out the Bible or other holy book
📚 possess nictitating membranes
📚 require an invitation to enter a building
📚 reproduce asexually
📚 vote Republican
📚 stand at the foot of your bed at night, chittering
Great song!