27 years since the Columbine High School massacre.
27 years of failing to protect our kids.
27 years without common-sense gun laws.

I watched it as a student. Now it’s only gotten worse for our kids.

We need an assault weapons ban.

I admit this is another reason I side-eye people who are suspiciously chill about potentially missing flights

Like to some of them, it's unquestionable that they know it's an antisemitic lie. But I suspect some of them need it to be true as a load-bearing fiction to preserve their sense of righteousness

a soldier says he has a wife you know in a movie scene Alt: Pontius Pilate in "Life of Brian" says to some centurions "He has a wife, you know"

It's too bad they never made a cartoon with Elmer Fudd as a Wohman

“Over on Twitter, they’re” shhhhh. Shhh.

Shh.

Every single right wing scumbag is in on the take, and they're probably excusing it to themselves with the lie that George Soros does it so why shouldn't they

How Email Open Tracking Quietly Took Over the Web You give up more privacy than you might think each time you open an email.

In honor of Tim Cook's stepping down, here is the story of how I emailed him, not once but twice, with open email tracking enabled, only to discover that, not once but twice, my emails to the CEO of Apple were opened on a computer running Windows.

Man, when you compare the bravery of every day Minnesotans to the overpaid cops it’s astounding

"particularly" is a funny way to spell "exclusively"

bring back shame

New asshole to block.

An underrated 21st century skill is knowing what level of digital friendship you should have with somebody. Getting that Instagram request and being able to say, "no, LinkedIn mutuals is right for us." Tough when you realize belatedly that you don't actually want to know what your gym trainer thinks

my angry post about this case this morning is now an angry article

Roy Anthony Scott was in a mental health crisis and called 911 asking for help

Cops came and killed him, & now the Court is casting doubt on whether the cops can be held accountable for his death
ballsandstrikes.org/scotus/smith...

Stage managers. What you’re looking for is stage managers

Hey everybody! I am taking the helm of this classic American institution with @theonion.com and want to know what you fine folks would like to see from us.

Here's wishing every single hospital administrator who complied in advance a very wakes up in a cold anxious sweat every day until they a) reverse course and b) apologize.

Old: Wrigley Field's Billy Goat

New:

Not the first time

She is awful and should be fired but man that is three women out of the Cabinet and not a single guy

Tim Cook's legacy will be enshittifying Apple's software, abusing their market dominance, and then playing apologist to fascism.

Under his leadership they burned billions on a car that never drove, and the only major attempt at a new product during his tenure (the Apple Vision Pro) was a total dud.

Orange fluffy cat inside my car.

I have to go to work and this is not my cat.

investigate everyone involved in DOGE

InfoWars Let me tell you a story. When I was a child, I suffered from night terrors. It was always the same dream: I could hear my family and neighbors wailing…

Some timeline stuff:
— We expect to get InfoWars.com after the judge clears it in a couple of weeks.
— We'll build a world of characters on the site and across social media. Tim Heidecker is in charge, and we have grand designs.
— Visit theonion.info, buy a subscription, help us dominate the world.

Did I just argue with a joke? Part of a Bluesky educational series

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

"holy shit! you were censored for believing in God?"

LOL no, not that

"for thinking it's appropriate to observe religious holidays in the workplace?"

haha no not that

"Which religious beliefs, exactly?"

oh, you know the ones

Gil Duran tweet: TLDR: Fascism in response to Palantir's long fascists screed on X.

"Your Account is Suspended" Message on X

The CEO of Palantir posted a fascist manifesto on X.

I pointed out that it was fascist—which resulted in a permanent suspension from X (my second time!).

So, when you hear the tweeters complaining that BlueSky is intolerant, remember why many of us came here in the first place.

Marvel is desperate YouTube video by Pop Culture Brain

Hey guys, they're "special-edition-ing" Avengers: Endgame.

I am so anti-hyped, if you know what I mean, for Avengers: Doomsday

youtube.com/shorts/GwByn...