Trying to heal in the same environment that kept me stuck in survival mode was like wondering why my flowers wouldn't bloom when they've were deprived of water i couldn't thrive when I was just trying to survive.

If your always thinking the worst, it's often a trauma response. At some point you had the worst thing happen to you that caught you off guard, and now you think the worst so you will never be caught off guard again. It also gives you as semblence of control over the unknown.

BPD