And now she is claiming that 12k kitkats were stolen by the 'underground trans mafia'. That goes all the way through madness into art.

Right About Now, The Funk Soul Brother,
Check It Out Now, The Funk Soul Brother,
Right About Now, The Funk Soul Brother,
Check It Out Now, The Funk Soul Brother,
Right About Now, The Funk Soul Brother,
Check It Out Now…

- Two Funk Soul Brothers trying to sort out their television aerial

He automatically distrusts anyone who's smarter than him. Needless to say, everyone is smarter than him.

Yeah, but they'd expect him to be back on Monday :P

I had to do it today because the app I was using told me to shove my spaces up my arse.

"How can it not know what it is?"

I sing to ours.

Yowser!

plus of course the fact that air traffic controllers are massively overworked in America

🎵We all die in a submarine of twats🎵

Do any of those bozos fly planes?

Girls! Girls! You're *both* pretty!

Yeah, let's have another submarine full of twats

It's Tendi from "Star Trek: Lower Decks"

We Like The Moon YouTube video by Rathergood

www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9MZ...

When I had four teeth out under general anesthetic, I dreamed about a rotating ratchet made of green and blue light. When the ratchet spun faster and made more noise, I somehow knew that it meant it was more painful, but I did not feel it.

"Cutting red tape" and "de-regulating" is often easily translated to "I'm lazy and want money more easily by producing less quality / dangerous conditions, but I can't currently because it's illegal, oh won't someone let me do illegal because I want more money?"

Use automation if you want to, but don't pretend that you putting the coin in the machine means you made the Mars bar that drops out.

Admittedly, I've never read a positive book review in Private Eye, but obv. this one is extremely deserved :-)

"Another candidate, Patrick Benham-Croswell, quit because he believes Reform are ‘sinking deeper into the sewer’."
This implies he was fine as long as they were only deep in the sewer...

40% of Americans think that humans and dinosaurs co-existed, so let's not be too concerned.

The asshole, rules-bound captain ignored the advice of the chummy maverick and caused the whole thing! The chummy maverick lays him out with one punch and has to pull the rest of the team together to find a plan!

Reskeet with a tweet you still think about

I can see the film now: They land on it, and accidentally nudge it onto a collision course with New York City! They're out of fuel, and they've got ten hours to save the earth!

In these challenging times someone might need one of them:
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans: 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind: 0300 123 3393
Age UK: 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650
Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677
MH text support: 85258

Please share. TY x

bsky.app/profile/bezz...

this is the other half of my humor

A tweet by @Llama In a Tux (dated Sep. 10, 2022): Don't you understand? The human race IS an endless number of monkeys. And every day we produce an endless number of words. And one of us already wrote Hamlet

I made it my life mission to reference this as many times as I can

A Twitter user replying to an image of Steve Bannon. @TaraAriano He looks like if Bukowski wrote a short story about a full vacuum cleaner bag

I think about this description of Steve Bannon a lot.