アヤモさん（@lustercloud.bsky.social）の黎美華(リィメイファ)ちゃん。
skebご依頼でお水着姿をありがたく描かせて頂きました。
ご依頼どうもありがとうございました。

ポケチャンのOC

Nicole Demara

👀👁‍🗨

makes me happy for ya, brother -- it's always a process, but it sounds like you're moving in a good direction 🙏💙

I also journal and meditate and attempt all kinds of other ways to process my own thoughts, but even my extremely introverted brain still craves some kind of community validation (even if that community isn't geographically close or close-knit)

I appreciate your thoughts very much! Thank you for taking the time and the energy to respond so kindly and sagely 🙏

It's a weird balancing act for me -- I realize that shouting to the void can be unhealthy, but I spend so much time in my own head already and externalizing things sometimes helps.

that makes perfect sense -- I'm *so* enormously far from my own concept of what's attractive, but I'm not the one who'd be dating me, lol. but it'd be nice to see myself in the mirror and (more than a couple times a year) think, "yeah, that guy's looking pretty good!" and honestly believe that

appreciated 🙏

that's the thing, my desire exists and it's very assertive (at least within my own mind), lmao -- but because I can only see myself as being undesirable and unwelcome, it's very very hard to express

as an artist who's received private messages of that nature, I can say for myself at least that they're always appreciated and you're not a weirdo at all 🙇

I meant body dysmorphia 😭

....it's been a long day, man, lmao

I remember seeing Matt Mercer talk about his body dysphoria on a podcast and thinking, "damn, that sounds familiar", lol. I don't feel it as strongly as he described or in exactly the same way, and I certainly haven't been diagnosed or anything, but yeah. Just heartening to know you're not alone.

Anyway, random thoughts on a rainy day as I sit here brainstorming what to draw.

Maybe it's silly to be vulnerable online to a bunch of strangers, lol. And hopefully it doesn't bring anybody down. I guess what I hope, as with anything I share, is to find some kind of common ground out in the ether.

When it comes to me, I can only see myself as worthless, tolerated at best...I'm only comfortable expressing my own sexuality in the broadest possible terms and with a mix of detachment and humor. Horny art allows me to break through (sometimes) but it's hard to shake those feelings about myself.

I know/follow a lot of folks who're super open about their sexuality and physicality -- from cosplayers to exhibitionists to sex workers -- and I respect them so much. I admire their freedom and openness, their ability to express themselves! It's badass!! But I treat myself totally differently, lol.

YEAAAAAAHHH
if at least one person loved something I made (even if that one person is me), it was worth it 😊

it's important for me to remember, too!! glad it found ya when it needed to 🙏🩵

There's the saying about how every Pokemon is somebody's favorite, and I try to remember that the same idea applies to everything else in the world. Every movie, every book, every song, every game, every *artist* -- they're irreplaceable for somebody out there. So, make that thing and share it!!

Thank you!! I'll be alright though, don't worry! I'm still making it work so far 😤

I appreciate the concern, though! I still consider myself lucky that I can keep doing what I love for a living, even if it takes some adjustments in how often or how long I can draw. Wanna keep doing this for as many years as I possibly can. 😤

Unfortunately, not really -- did weeks of PT, dozens of injections, and even saw a neurosurgeon. The only surgical option now would be to fuse some vertebrae, but they said it's not guaranteed to help, and for some people it makes things worse. So, I'm on a few daily pain meds and I do yoga, lol. 🤷‍♂️

I love sharing 'em again, though!

I dunno, I've always thought it's lame how disposable art seems to be on social media. I get it, there's a lot of stuff out there to look at!! But when I find something cool, I wanna take a minute to appreciate it. I wanna really see it! I wanna get it in my brain!

It's crazy to me that I drew all of my favorite Pokemon character pieces (the Nessa, Hex Maniac and Erika artwork) in the course of a single week.

I wish I always had that kind of creative juice...and also the physical ability to draw that much without getting messed up by my compressed nerve, lol.

commission

A drawing of Nessa, gym leader from Pokemon Sword and Shield. She's wearing a bikini top and a sarong, lying in shallow water.

🌊🌊🌊

a portrait-style artwork of Hex Maniac -- her fingers are interlaced under her chin, and she has a swirling pattern in her hair

👻👻👻

A drawing of Erika from Pokemon. She's viewed in profile, holding a flower. Patterns of leaves are lightly visible in her hair and kimono.

💐💐💐

A drawing of the Pokemon Dragapult and a pair of Dreepy racing just above the water of a vast lake, waves spraying up in their wake. In the background is a green, vegetation-covered island and further back, a rocky cliffside and a blue sky mottled with fluffy white clouds. A subtle paper texture has been applied to the whole piece to give it a lived-in feel. I really love this drawing -- seeing Pokemon depicted just existing in their natural habitat is something that brings a smile to my face. I hope with practice, I can make ever cooler pieces like this, and that others will find them as compelling as my artwork of pretty ladies. It's a dream of a mine to someday have my art featured on a Pokemon TCG card, but I doubt it's possible given my history of erotic art and Pokemon's desire for a squeaky-clean image. But still...I can dream.

🐉👻

(now available as a print at www.akairiot.com/prints )

Cat girl Kara from my manga Go! Go! Gris! holding an Orion beer, lying on her belly with her boobs squished.

Meow.

that's good to know, I appreciate the heads up!!