The center left strategy:

I sure hope my tax dollars can eventually help in some way

Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow

I have texts as evidence I was laughing my ass off at the time.

How’s it hanging?

A) Long and loose, full of juice

B) Squat and brittle, noncommittal

There’s never been a more lucrative era to be a grifter who is bad at grifting.

L’Oreal announces: “We're thrilled to announce a collaboration with NVIDIA to supercharge beauty with next-gen Al.”

Me n my boys had to call an emergency poker night we were so excited about this.

& MJM

The only good thing on the internet right now are libraries and coffee shops doing skits on tik tok.

Nobody seems impressed when I tell them I’m in the same shape now as I was in 1995.

I’m in this video! They filmed the insanely brief performance shots at their show at First Avenue in Minneapolis.

The only people I can trust are those little sprites that swim around my field of vision after I blow my nose too hard.

A sweet peck with a read heart rising from the point of contact.

They’re mostly my drawings of dragons kissing. A few short stories.

I was gonna release 20,000 documents today but I guess I have to wait now.

Yesssssssssss

Sorry I denied you of the cross you bore that I gave to you.
I shouldn’t have denied you of the cross you bore that I gave to you.

Can u plz fwd this to Bezos thx

“Then, in the ruins of the explosion, the little bits of James Bond melt into tiny puddles of testosterone and he T-1000ses himself back together into the shape of Michael Stuhlbarg.”

Every time a Sidney Sweeney movie flops, her eyelids get a little heavier.

If you’re encouraging your employees to use AI to write emails or presentations, you’re acknowledging how little value there already is in business communication.

¡Fiesta!

Yeah it’s Margeaux and Marguerite.

You’re telling me they made a movie based on Chili’s Wicked Margaritas?

An insincerely smiling woman that Elon generated with his bullshit AI

Boss: You really brighten up the office

Employee:

The film The Banshees of Inisherin, which I once described as “misery olympics” is recommended in the “Family Laughs” section of a website.

My family could really use a pick-me-up, thanks for the rec!!

Jameses Corden and Fallon having a laugh together.

Tfw you’ve tied for The Very Worst for another year.

If I'm doing the math correctly, Musk's big pay packet yesterday could have made each of these now-dead people millionaires instead.
He is among the sickest men the world has ever produced.

trump just standing there while a bunch of folks engage in boisterous horseplay

my dog on the daycare webcam

(Luther Vandross voice) Here and now / I banish you all to the moon...