Did you know that if a dinosaur and a human were to race, the human would be most likely to win.
This is because dinosaurs are dead.

a colorful background with the words " the more you know " and a star ALT: a colorful background with the words " the more you know " and a star

Did you know that the World Record for being underwater the longest is actually held by a fish?

a man and a woman are having a conversation and the woman is saying " shots " ALT: a man and a woman are having a conversation and the woman is saying " shots "

Tried mixing Mexican alcohol with 20th century American literature last night.

Ended up with tequila mockingbird.

a person is holding a stack of blue towels in front of a wall with the letters ab1 on it ALT: a person is holding a stack of blue towels in front of a wall with the letters ab1 on it

What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.

a lobster is being cooked on a grill with a brush and the word food is on the bottom ALT: a lobster is being cooked on a grill with a brush and the word food is on the bottom

I stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2.

I paid my $2 and the guy says: "Once upon a time there was this lobster."

a close up of a fish with a large eye ALT: a close up of a fish with a large eye

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.
When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a moray.

I tried to use my grocery store loyalty card to scrape my windshield.

But I only got 20% off.

8 Trump Memes... He's going to get all of us killed

I haven't seen my twin brother since I left Australia.

We were separated at Perth.

the word play is written in scrabble tiles ALT: the word play is written in scrabble tiles

My dog accidentally ate a whole bag of Scrabble tiles, so I took him to the vet...

No word yet.

a man is talking on a cell phone with the word boys on the bottom ALT: a man is talking on a cell phone with the word boys on the bottom

Pete, the serial flasher, was thinking of retiring, but he's going to stick it out for another year.

a chess board with white and red pieces on it . ALT: a chess board with white and red pieces on it .

I used to have a job making chess pieces.
I worked the knight shift.

sports.yahoo.com/bears-report...

Johnson got plenty of credit for his work running the Lions offense.

a group of cartoon characters are dancing together on a table . ALT: a group of cartoon characters are dancing together on a table .

I've been telling people about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

You know, Raisin Awareness.

How cats really feel

LMFAO

Really? LOL

LOL

We need more commercials like this

Naomi and Lana

a close up of a red and blue virus with a black background ALT: a close up of a red and blue virus with a black background

I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without permission.

That makes me sick.

ICE planning major enforcement operation in Chicago after Trump inauguration A person familiar with the planning said immigrants in Chicago will be targeted in multiple locations. A document reviewed by NBC News said raids will occur over several days.

Heads up Chicago...
www.nbcnews.com/news/ice-pla...

a group of people are standing next to each other in a dark room and singing . ALT: a group of people are standing next to each other in a dark room and singing .

Which member of ABBA was the oldest?

Bjorn. It's easy to remember because he was Bjorn before the others.

a bald man in a tuxedo stands in front of an old fashioned fan ALT: a bald man in a tuxedo stands in front of an old fashioned fan

My girlfriend is leaving me because I'm going bald.
I'm not worried, it's hair loss.

My girlfriend is leaving me because she's tired of my puns on world capitals.

You win some, Jerusalem.

a picture of a dolphin with the words lmao on the bottom ALT: a picture of a dolphin with the words lmao on the bottom

I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.

dolly parton is wearing a black turtleneck and a silver necklace ALT: dolly parton is wearing a black turtleneck and a silver necklace

My friend Joe went on the Dolly Parton diet...

It made Joe lean Joe lean Joe lean Joe lean

a black and white clock on a white background shows that it is almost 5:00 ALT: a black and white clock on a white background shows that it is almost 5:00

I don't know how to use tiktok, but I can write in cursive and do long division.
I can also tell time on clocks with hands.