When I say I want a home library, I mean I want thousands of books in my house and also everyone shutup. To be clear.

It's Sunday! And that means it's time to shake things up with a little grown-up show and tell! So show us something neat and tell us about it! Something you made, something you did, something you're proud of. Friends, pets, family. Anything really! Go on, show us!

Look it’s simple we want less stress and we want to be able to buy pet food and paper towels and body wash on the same day again without it being a major financial event and we want Wishbone back and those are the things we want

There's a fine line between comfort clutter and depression squalor and boy do I walk that line like Johnny everloving Cash

Bet you didn’t know
It’s national haiku day
So you should write one

Look, not everybody needs to be a strawberry, okay? There's room for cranberries in this world too. You can be weird and sour and only tolerated by a handful of people around the holidays. I know you can. You can be fun if mixed with enough vodka. I believe in you. You can live in a bog

What’s your favorite Bible verse? (Wrong answers only)

“Everybody, this is Steve”

- me introducing my window AC unit to the box fan, the white noise machine, the ceiling fan, the air purifier, the gentle wake up lamp, and the humidifier that live in my bedroom the second it hits seventy eight degrees outside

It’s insane that you can stay inside all day and still sneeze your face off from all the outside things. Insane.

Would love some kind of reverse vacation situation where everyone else goes away for a week so I can relax and not spend any money at home

Thank you for reading!

🤣

BRAND NEW SHORT STORY - "Do No Harm" I can't wait for you all to read this one, because it's one of my favorite things I've ever written. Dark and twisty. Bittersweet and crazy atmospheric. And did I mention it's a period piece? Enjoy!

open.substack.com/pub/jonathan...

And as always, you can find it FOR FREE on my Substack or Patreon (same content) along with the rest of my unpublished stories AND every single issue of my humor column KNOW WORRIES! And if you like it, you can even subscribe! Which is also free! Love you guys, and thanks for reading :)

It’s dark and twisty. Bittersweet and layered and crazy atmospheric. Everything I love in a story. Oh, and did I mention it’s a period piece? Well…it is! So that’s a thing too! I’m immensely proud of this one and can’t wait for you all to read it!

So so excited to share this brand new short story “Do No Harm” with you all, because it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. And man, let me tell you, this one took some WORK lol, but the good ones always do!

Yes, libraries are invaluable for their collections and services they offer, but also social contact without the expectation to interact with anyone or spend money is so important to so many people

My least favorite Thursday activity is repeatedly realizing it's only Tuesday which is Thursday’s evil twin no I won’t elaborate

If you're going to be loud in public please make sure your drama is sufficiently interesting thank you

It's Sunday! And that means it's tillime to shake things up with a little grown-up show and tell! So show us something neat and tell us about it! Something you made, something you did, something you're proud of. Friends, pets, family. Anything really! Go on, show us!

Hear me out: a finite amount of jest

What if instead of going to Coachella we went to 1997 and ate kudos bars and watched pop-up video all night? Thoughts?

Like I think I’m nostalgic for authentic anxiety?

I miss being anxious about terrible things that were probably never going to happen instead of terrible things that are being actively scheduled to happen aaaaah good times

I think getting older is beautiful I just didn’t think it would happen AT me like this

Life in 2026 is essentially just having full blown Gollum conversations with yourself about buying basic household items every single day

But we mustn't
But we wants the nice paper towels
But we shouldn't
But they tears so nicely precious

MY PSYCHIATRIST: and how’s the new dosage treating you?

ME: uppies!

Man it sure is nice to finally have enough adult trauma to really take the edge off all the childhood stuff, balance is important

Please don't take me to an animal shelter or a bookstore unless you wanna see me full-on ugly cry until I get to take something home with me

This morning I made my special “breakfast cheesecake" which is just two pieces of leftover cheesecake I had for breakfast because I'm an adult and nobody tells me what to do and it is very obvious