dont want to be myself rn

having one of those moments where being super small would make everything so much better

guys.... im actually eating lower carbs the past month (30-40 per meal, try to stay under 15 per snack) and not counting my cals... and im losing... ive never been able to do this without rigid counting. i havent even gone on that medicine yet. insul*n resistance rlly had my body in fat saving mode.

fav snack rn is plain non fat greek yogurt + a drop of imitation vanilla + a packet of aspartame + 15-30 cupcake flavor goldfish grahams on top

it was when i first joined bsky, august 2024 - feb 2025 😢 it was just good ol' ed habits 😭. i gained it all back tho lmao

yk its so crazy i lost 30 lbs WITH insulin resistance like omg i really was determined 😭 i think i made my insulin resistance worse during that time tho cuz i was nottttt monitoring sugar or carb intake

ok twin

need

idk my doc is pretty awesome though she also has adhd and understands how dopamine eating is and shes very trauma informed soooooo hope she is just ok wwith me going on a glp-1

regardless my father said he would pay for a glp-1 for weight loss for me sooooooooooooooooooooo might be getting it anyways. ive gained sm weight i dont even wanna check the number . and im worried ab my insulin. dont want my doc to tell me to just eat better to "reverse" it girl im a binge eater

hi guys finally got the blood drawn and my insulin is at 40 uIU/mL ... its supposed to be 17 or less lollll im insulin resistant 😢 but i dont think my insurance will cover a glp-1 cuz im def not getting diagnosed with type 2 since my a1c was normal. idk. waiting for doc to msg me

to me brain zaps just feel like split seconds of dizziness if that makes sense 😭 its not painful but its annoying and i get nauseous when i have them

👎

still so triggered over this bruh why do i even care that she has an awesome life and i dont

school semester starts next week and maybe ill get myself into the gym then. tired of looking htis way. the number def went up more

i want glp-1 but need to get my heart checked first :/

i just cannot help but put myself down when i see someone i knew personally who was previously fat lose weight. i dont even perceive them negatively when theyre fat... if anything i kind of feel like i relate to them more and i embrace my body more around them. but im full of envy when they lose it.

literally all the fat people i know are losing weight and its making me actually want to explode because i feel ugly as fuck and worthless and like im behind and everyone else is just so much better than me

its weird like fatness is attractive to me but the competitive part of my brain...

feeling lots of sh urges tonight

its crazy to think i wouldve definitely not been clean for years if i didnt have a bf that would worry about me. hes the only thing stopping me from that coping mechanism. i dont want him to worry

im still heartbroken over my best friend who blocked me with no reasoning 3 years ago. still torn over how i was treated by friends and ex-gf in highschool 6 years ago. i still get upset thinking about how people talked to me in 6th grade.

my feelings are too strong and i wish they would go away

like they are genuinely not worth it but here i am ruminating.

i give people too much humanity and am shocked when i dont get it back.

im going to ruminate on this situation for a long time. just like every other situation ive ever experienced. i never stop thinking about them

i hate thinking about people who have hurt me. i hate feeling the urge of wanting to message them and going off

i hate that they perceived me as some stupid bitch. i hate that people cant see the real me or my values... no matter how many times i repeat them

i hate that i even care bruh

and maybe ill finally be small

i really am thinking about it now. i think maybe at least if my food noise goes away, i wont feel so tempted when my s/o has the sugar in the house... maybe i just wont eat so much with him. i wont feel like i need something whenever i sit down to watch a show. maybe it will help me alot.

i hate food addiction. i hate being so out of control. i hate that i cant just watch my sugar. i hate having to buy low sugar options because at least i have a little more control then. i hate ruining my GI track with fake sugars because i dont trust myself with real sugar.

it sucks. for my health and weight. it sucks wanting a sweet treat with my partner while battling my blood sugar and weight. he always wants cookies. and i feel bad because i cant control myself if we buy them. part of me is screaming YES BUY THEM!! NEED!! and the other part of me is sobbing

i live with my bf now. he eats so much, i dont even think about restricting lately. its freeing. but in the back of my head i know the number is going up. and i just checked now. im back in the 200s btw. and i cant stop eating so much sugar. both me n him are fiends for treats.

if i gain 6 more lbs, i would have officially gained all the weight back i lost last year lol

30 lbs back up. i bet its noticeable.

says "v ghost" but v ghost vape dont look like that so idk