Lily and Hutton coming in!

I get wanting her for leadership maybe but her on-field contributions are not it

The reddit thread I'm on has called for Lily for Heaps sooooo many times

Very excited to hear @therealdrdukes.bsky.social here at Rutgers speaking on "Why Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Justice and Accessibility are NOT bad words!" Glad this is something Rutgers is still supporting in These Times.

Thrilled to be giving this talk to the IRACDA community here at Rutgers! ✨ because ALL of these programs are necessary and important!!

The combo of professional uncertainty with not knowing whether my NIH funding will exist in 6 months plus personal uncertainty of my 3yo having anxiety because his sister died (plus my anxiety because my daughter died) suddenly 5 months ago is a lot for a brain that thrives on having a plan.

A dream of first steps not taken, first words never said, a whole life not lived.
Snow boots to pick up the ghost of a celebration - balloons for her grave, a cake for those of us living on without her.
And all the love she left behind.

What do you wear for your dead daughter's first birthday?
Pajamas, for longer than usual.
A pattern with the theme of a party half-planned.
Comfy clothes after a shower spent longing to hold her.
Tears full of bashed hopes for her future.
A smile and a laugh, for her big brother.
Fuzzy socks.

links not working (link in flyer or eventbrite link)

Her birthday is this weekend. She should be here. On top of everything that is currently falling apart, my baby is not here for her own first birthday.

so excited to hear about your experiences & expertise at the Rutgers INSPIRE seminar this spring!!

Are NIH diversity supplements going away? Yikes. This program has not only helped my students advance their careers but also has served as a pipeline to bring outstanding trainees into my lab. 😡 #NIH #STEM #futurescientists #emergencymedicine

NIH appears to have canceled/postponed all of its study sections—the independent review panels that approve federal grants for health research.

Such grants fund the work/salaries of 300k people at more than 2,500 institutions

Study sections are the review panels that allocate NIH research grants. They bring in experts from around the country and have to be scheduled many months in advance; they provide the funds that keep the nation's biomedical research going.

It's hard to overstate the disruption this causes.

Love this, wish I had been able to go as planned!

Spend all the time with him you can, mama ❤️

A Caucasian baby smiling at the camera while sitting in a stroller with a gray hoodie and purple pajamas with ice cream cones. She has bright blue eyes and two bottom teeth showing in her wide smile.

A month ago I was on my way home from work to take her to the pediatrician. We thought they would send us home with instructions for a cold. Not that we would end the night in the PICU after losing her to heart failure.

While the Gotham PKs all went to the same spot

Watching AKB do her best last week 🥲

That's amazing!!! Go Elliott! ❤️

Caucasian baby wearing a floral shirt and dark pants posing in pink sunglasses on a play mat.

I wish I could know the person she was growing into.

I've had COVID once (as far as I know) and it was when I was ~1 month pregnant with this baby. If testing shows the heart condition that killed her was caused by my 1 infection.... I don't even know.

Very little science happening in my brain these days, mostly just Big Sad. I miss my baby. It's nearly impossible for me to believe she didn't live to turn 9 months old this past Saturday.

🙋

I'm not in the cardiology field, but here's a review describing the condition that seems to have caused my infant daughter's heart failure last month. It seems to be extremely rare, hard to detect, and hard to treat. We just got really, really unlucky I guess. rdcu.be/d0A1D

This matchup is so good, we were at the Gotham home game last week!

Got a fancy secretary invite to ACNP this year and had to withdraw my poster because I won't be up to sciencing in the midst of my grief. Really bummed about missing this opportunity but my mental health needs to come first.

Blonde blue eyed 8 month old baby smiling at the camera while laying on her mother.

This sweet girl passed away almost 3 weeks ago at 8 months old. She was just learning how to crawl, and an undetected heart condition put her in severe heart failure before we knew anything was wrong. She was a happy baby, a smiley baby, my baby. I'm a wreck and probably will be for quite some time.

Yup, I did research my first two undergrad summers because TAing required teaching experience, and then TA'd my second two summers. Then went to grad school and couldn't get time off to go back (and now small kiddos).