just got off the phone with my doctor and it's good news bad news the bad news is the paint i've been huffing is non toxic so i've just been pretending to be high soooo embarrassing and the good news is I am bringing back locust swarms to the great plains of north america they shall block the sun

Boss: TPL? You got a minute?

Me: Yes, My Queen 👸

Boss:

Me:

Boss: can you-

Me, putting a handful of trail mix into my mouth, through chewing: You can’t have any of my trail mix

Boss: I wasn’t-

Me: , My Queen. Just in case

everett byram is my spirit animal

i lowkey forgot i existed from tweo thousand and ninetyen to like last year

love this

Wanna feel old? The baby who hit Britney Spears is 30 now

in a big formation

i wish birds would swoop down on me

mica piango fallo tu

i have something really good to say but due to the limitations of language and the unknowable nature of other people etc you wouldn't know it bc i posted it to a different website where my real gf also posts she loves me and she smokes weed and knows how to skateboard etc

helpin

Spaghetti underground

also featuring the tracks 'hitler ye and jesus' and 'diddy free'

pew pew

nanaimo bar and deftones (and i hate deftones)

i'm gonna rough and tumble ya

the sun in the open sky
a stranger in my own skin

dohn beck doon, dubble doon

soothsayer, i do not adore the voices or flight of birds

i wash my friends to sleep

slowest bit on the planet

The above picture of a giant porkchop sandwich but with the meat labeled "my existential dread" and the bun is labeled "me" but now the plate of fries behind the sandwich is labeled "French fries"

The Free Press @TheFP The excesses of the woke era created a backlash so intense that the right now celebrates racism, writes River Page.

Conservatives are heterodox maverick freethinkers but they had no choice but to become extremely racist, like Kristallnacht levels of racist, due to the excesses of the Woke Left (the cute barista at the Starbucks dyed her hair purple and kissed a girl and liked it)

the budget for my favorite film of all time was $50k

i've honestly literally never seen a single good movie that was produced in hollywood. i can't think of even one

the 3rd best time to delete it is knowing that 'awhile' is two fucking words ffs and the n-word doesn't have an H at the end

jk nothing can heal me

using chatgpt as a therapist and then viciously rebuking it for pretending to understand being human on every response is so healing

i like my casio worldtime thing. it makes me feel worldly