OOC:

Hello! I'm still there for my friends and everyone around! But a break is needed. So I'll be up and running, just not now. Thank you for being a part of my fun!

— too calm about things like that. But when it clicks, woo, carry. As I said, not the brightest faceplate, but Imma sway ya over like there is no tomorrow when I like ya. Just... Hmm... Not on a constant basis.

Hmmm. My taste depends on how drunk I am, ha-ha! Jestin'. Honestly, I dunno. It just clicks.

[He hummed, thinking.]

Though, I have a small weakness for bulkier frames.

[He was telling all this without a single note of shame, so casually. He definitely knew his stuff.]

Still, usually I am just —

— photos. Really good ones, might one say.]

Here. His legs. And hip struts. Anyone can go mad looking at these, I guess. Not me tho, I am kinda stone-ish, ha-ha!

Don'cha tell! This is ridiculous, considering all the safety measures Elite Guard has.

[He chuckled.]

Wire play? Oh, we just pull and sparkle wires in different places to get some pleasure. Some of them are very sensitive and can induce ~feelings~.

[Then, he scrolled to the page with Sentinel's —

— speculations about my serious faceplate and conclusions about my possible kinks. Come on, I'm on the job! [a loud laughter erupted.] I love it. Imagine the faceplates of the readers when I had to personally come and make them destroy the copies.

Oh, ain't shy 'bout it, moreso unhappy.

[Hide turned the magazine back a few slides. There he was, pictured from the lower angle, then his back on the next photo.]

I mean, c'mon, Imma not dazzling, but this is ridiculous. But the description of a "nice shiny guard" was funny. And some —

— way, I also made it to the mag' somehow. But they didn't do me justice!

— is mostly speculation and fanfiction. But they've managed to catch somebot grabbing another by the aft.

[And, yes, there is that photo, alongside a couple more wet frames and all.]

I envy the sneakiness of this fella. And I am a master of pranks! Was, at least.

[He laughed again.]

Oh, by the —

— example, you, wait, you'll never guess it - washing! [he laughed.] But I know a couple of stories of bots being risky-frisky. Security officer stuff. You never know what you will stumble upon, he-he. Let me...

[He switched slides to the shower racks section.]

Look, what's written in the mag' —

[The touch at the steering wheel made Ironhide vibrate and hum, confused, again.]

Woo, ticklish.

[He remembered their first trip. Started as an excursion, ended up as a mess. And there he learned that his steering wheel is sensitive. My, oh, my.]

Oh, a lot can happen in the shower racks. For —

— rereading it all now...

— have fun in any occasion. Oh, wait, I should probably translate the mag' for ya.

[Almost in a whim, the headlines on the cover switched to English. "Elite Guards - Elite Afts!", "You will never believe what's in the shower racks", "Special treat for pede fetishists!"]

I cringe so hard —

Ohhh, that's so unfortunate! Welp, experimenting never really comes without some failures on the go.

[His frame vibrated slightly.]

If I could give ya a pat, I would. At least now you know.

[He hummed.]

Ya wanna read the magazine or proceed with questions? [he giggled mildly.] I am sure we'll —

— journalism style, with three or four photos of The Elite Guard members, Sentinel's aft included, squished into the page, and a bunch of provocative headlines.]

But first you are answering the question too!

I won't tell. I'll project the thing to ya, so Sentinel won't get mad at me for actually distributing, he-he. Probably will be a good read on the road, won'it? I wonder if he remembers that incident.

[He turned on a small projector. A cover of the magazine was of a very cheap design, yellow —

— for megacycles, and I had to be the one responsible for destroying every. Single. Copy. So hey, I am a functioning walking archive for that one.

[He vented loudly.]

Ufff. Fun fact: Sentinel's legs were ones of the highest ranked.

— and other stuff. Articles, ratings, funsies. How even the whole Elite Guard didn't figure - I dunno. They were lucky ol' man Ultra wasn't there too, ha-ha!

[Engines roared, and if Ironhide was in his root mode, he would've been wiping optic fluids.]

Sentinel was so mad. He 'faced my processor —

They were waiting for a journalist, so I check this bot, but I was a bit of an idiot and didn't check thoroughly enough.

[Ironhide was laughing at this point.]

Damn me. He was from the adult magazine, and they took a lot of intriguing photos of bot's afts, parts. The lewd angles, some faceplates —

—

[He giggled.]

They are so imprinted in my processor, oh Primus.

Oooooh. I've seen... Hm. Actually, my jobs weren't filled with too many peculiarities. Even with Team Athenia, not talking about working under Sentinel.

[He hummed, thinking.]

Have I ever told ya about Elite Guard Adult Magazines mishap? I remember I told someone. Or wrote somethin' 'bout it.

—

[Hide had to think a bit for this one. Then, he laughed heartily, remembering local time measures, his whole altmode shaking slightly.]

We should collect all our bad jokes and just laugh each other into pits!

[He laughed a bit more.]

Okay, ha-ha, next question!

— giggled.]

A bad one, I know, he-he.

Hmmm. I have none, actually. I know a lot, but it's hard to think of a favourite.

[He hummed, in thoughts.]

I can tell ya the last one I heard.
"A man entered a pun contest in a local newspaper. He sent in ten puns, hoping at least one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did."

[He —

Sure! I'll mix something up for ya. Though, don't mind your audials leaking your processor out, ha-ha!

[He hummed with the song for a bit.]

What's the next question? [He asked, cheerful. He liked to talk, after all.]

I think Imma chatty enough for ya to answer millions of questions, [he giggled.]

— Roughly translates as "Hornet" - that might be equivalent of your fauna. It's by one of our artists and it's so catchy! And good lyrics too. I'll show you later. What about your choice?

Oh, I like that idea!

[A new track played. This one was a bit more chill, even kinda intimate over the previous ones. That was not intentional, though, but who could tell?]

Hm. Let's see. I'm not much of a music bot, but there is a song that I do like a lot and come back to often. It's... —

— mostly it was Sentinel's bumper. How he didn't kill him for sneaking a dog - miracle indeed.]

What game do you suggest?

[Ironhide was not the best DJ, but he tried. The music was upbeat and energetic, as if denying the weather outside. It was, as usual, warm inside Hide, so neither Halk, nor Alloy should worry about being uncomfortable.]

A game? Why not?

[His sight was alert of everything surrounding him, but —

Ehehe, I feel like they would suit my faceplate.