Yo, fam, if’n ye wants a new story from me diseased brain, look no further than rightchere, in the latest ish of “Guilty Crime Story Magazine”:
www.amazon.com/Guilty-Crime...
Only $2.99 for six stories! Such a deal!
Chapter 2
I packed a bag and went looking for a ship to Nantucket, but had to wait til Monday.
I looked for a place to stay.
1/ Inspired by @jacobharr.is "A Month of Dick 2026," I read the first two chapters of "Moby Dick."
I now present the simplified version:
Chapter 1
Call me Ishmael.
I love sailing. Doesn’t everyone?
I need a job.
HAPPY NEW... well, let's move on.
For the first flick of 2026, the Johns are wandering into chatty 90s indie film territory with "Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead!" Click below to listen!
holdup.simplecast.com/episodes/127...
Mia Hawke’s parents in Stranger Things should be played by Uma Thurman & Ethan Hawke and they should make a spinoff series post-haste starring all three called “The Hawkes in Hawkins.”
I should be paid for life for this idea, and given free entry to all theme parks.
It’s today!! Extra Life, 9:00amPST-?!?!
Click here to observe us like a science experiment:
Youtube.com/@trevorcarlee
And click below to donate:
www.extra-life.org/participants...
Another @trevorcarlee.bsky.social special, and I’m in it! Don’t blink! And donate here:
www.extra-life.org/participants...
Extra Life is almost here!
And to celebrate, @trevorcarlee.bsky.social animated us!
@extralife4kids.bsky.social
Y’ALL’S. I’m extremely proud of this month’s “Hold Up,” editor/producer Glenn Morgan joins to talk about his 1999 narrative reconstruction of von Stroheim’s “Greed” for Turner Classic Movies, and we wisely brought aboard film historian Ray Morton to interview him!
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...
🎼Two more days to Halloween, Silver Shamrock!! 🎶
Until then, you should listen to Craig Sechler read “Creepy Paperback,” a celebration of the 80s horror book glut!
johnpatricknelson.substack.com/p/creepy-pap...
Awwwwwwwshit, my man @trevorcarlee.bsky.social is in AV Club…
I KNEW HIM WHEN! DON’T TOUCH HIM! HE’S MINE!!
Also sorta the ultimate illegal immigrant
F’r all yez don’t dig on the Substack, ye c’n lookit me newsletter here now:
johnpatricknelson.com/blog/
Writer/Director Alison Star Locke ( @alisonstarlocke.bsky.social ) joins us for “The Last Man on Earth!”
The sign at my daughter’s school carnival… “Ride if you dare EXTREME” - with sexy half-nekkid ladies, one giving the “shhh” sign, one obviously bottomless, hand diving toward her nethers
Now why couldn’t they have school carnival signs like this in my day? Sexy, alluring, the lady second from right, obviously bottomless, hands diving toward her nethers… my school carnival just had LAME handmade signs by children
Preach
My wife @alisonstarlocke.bsky.social just made me turn off the lights so she can watch “The Amityville Horror,” and I said, “So you can watch this incredibly scary movie about mortgage fraud?”
She also made me post this.
But James Brolin is dreamy with that beard and mullet set.
Free baseballs hitting the turf at Dodgers Stadium, 08/10/95
Me & me bairn standing by the Dodgers bobble statue
At my 2nd Dodgers game today - first Dodgers game was 30 years ago to the day, Aug 10, 1995, when the Dodgers had to forfeit because the fans threw all their free baseballs on the field. That was the trip we scouted and secured my first apartment in LA - we moved in two weeks later!
My first time too! At the Egyptian?
I was most particularly confused that, besides showing Chow Yung Fat slowly assembling his costume for ABT1, there was zero reference to the life awaiting him. No crime bosses, no best friend… not a bad movie, just sorta confusing given the title.
Muh newest story, “Whiskey Dick,” is up at All Due Respect!
all-due-respect.blogspot.com/2025/08/issu...
If it’s any consolation, we’re here on Saturday night, and it’s hopping!
It’s very funny for tech guys to come over from jobs where someone is called the “Chief Imagination Officer” and discover that the Medicare office just wants to process the payments
youtu.be/kbQqHpQyngw?...
WHOASHIT I’m a criminal?!?! That makes me sound badass!
Also, my new movie, “City of Criminals,” which is a low-key ripoff of “Escape From L.A.,” is available for all movie producers for the low, low cost of seven figures.
thehill.com/homenews/sta...
