(carrie bradshaw voice) i couldn't help but wonder... what if the real algorithmic choice was the friends we made along the way

How many "perpetually twisted panties" skeets is too many for one's draft folder?

in general, more things should have been punctuated by a beastie boys KICK IT

I bet dinosaur malls were MASSIVE

stairway to fuck it i'll just wait for you down here

Me: Uhh, let's just not and say that we did

Lemmings:

My favorite bird that sounds like a guy just absolutely giving up after a long day trying to install new brake pads in his Ford Explorer is the frigate bird

I never believed it was butter

(and when i dip you dip we dip)

i put my hand up on your hip etc

you only yolo once

it's a little known fact that benjamin button was just freakin cracked at unspooling yarn and matching cakes.

I'm into bio-hacking if it's used to make me hold more cheese.

Zoomed in screenshot of the vegetable erotica painting from OP. A cucumber sure does look like it's riding a carrot in reverse cowgirl position while peering over the edge of a bowl containing a creamy dip. The cucumber holds some of the dip in its cucumber hand.

hornt.

A picture of animated broccoli, carrots and tomatoes partying by bowl of ranch dressing.

Hey so, what the fuck?

carrot in the back: reverse cowgirl so that you, a cucumber, can peer longingly into the dip.

according to this app game ad, im sort of a big deal in the IQ department

the sound that an armful of cutlery makes when being thrown down the stairs would be a great name for a girl

I’m the hottest mfer at this dog park

He’s a 10 but he does that thing where he pretends his leg is a guitar

sorry i was gone the last few days, but i've been working on a killer post about this app being glitchy. someone's gotta make a joke about that

your ten minutes (20 minutes) or my ten minutes (3.5 hours)?

people often criticize a dog and pony show but frankly, i think that sounds kind of neat

The best part of waking up is reading the news and thinking, “at least the time of humans is coming to a close.”

i'm don't bother trying to work people out anymore just follow their lead years old

to defeat math you need to think like a number

soon i’ll be at a kid’s bday party snorting rails of pixy stix off the ass of chuck e cheese

if cringemaxxing becomes a recognized sport I may have a real shot at winning the golden belt, my opps

Wow is this really what we were trying to load all day? Couldn't wait to see this?

Bluesky: You have notifications.

Me: Can I see what they are?

Bluesky: Fuck you.