I ran some Evian water through a filter... the shit disappeared! It was so fuckin' pure.

You know that show "My Three Sons"? That'd be funny if it was called "My One Dad".

That would suck if you became a priest and the day came where you had to fight the devil, you'd be like "Shit, I didn't think that was for real!"

Listerine hurts. Man, when I put Listerine in my mouth, I'm fuckin' angry. Germs do not go quietly.

"Fuck that hurts. Fuck that hurts as well. Fuck, leave me alone. I'm no longer pretty... And he loves you not. I could have told you I had an even number of petals!"

I saw a lady with a flower, she was plucking out the petals, she was saying "he loves me, he loves me not." Thank god the flower can't talk, what would it say?

And that made me angry, cause I like loud music. So when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say, "Go around! I cannot open the wall. I don't know if you have a doorknob on the other side, but over here there's nothing... it's just flat!"

I used to live here in Los Angeles, on Sierra Bonita, and I had an apartment, and I had a neighbor. And whenever he would knock on my wall, I knew he wanted me to turn my music down.

Acid was my favorite drug. Acid opened up my mind, it expanded my mind. Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit.

I fuckin' hate arrows, man. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like, "Fuck you, I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!"

I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I said "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question."

Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. And it says right on the bottle "Do not have more than two." Well then do not put a candy coating around it.

I travel with a boom box. When I get on a plane, I stuff the power cord for the boom box into the battery compartment. From an outsider's point of view, it looks like I've got it all wrong.