Watching Alien: Earth and googling “when does that rich barefoot fuck get gobbled by an alien?”

This was in with the Epstein drawings

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects

We KNOW the 🤡 wasn't an FBI informant because he would have told the world he was the very BEST informant the world has ever seen by now.

It’s weird to watch Apocalypse Now and be on the side of the apocalypse.

I’m offended by this both as an autistic person and Tylenol enthusiast.

in middle school i got it in my head that i needed a cooler way to answer the phone so i picked up one day and said ‘talk to me baby’ and it was my grandmother calling from the nursing home and she immediately had me put my dad on the phone so they could laugh uproariously at what id just done

Why won't they tell us if Mr. Peanut's dick is shaped like a peanut? I'm sick of filling out Freedom of Information requests

The dad saying this reeks of not having full custody.

Stay tuned for an AI President.

If Trump is really still alive, he should go on Hot Ones.

I had an informed opinion of Kevin Kline before the end of elementary school.

Heartbroken Trump Unable To Release Epstein List After Seeing It Includes Mr Bean

New plan: we get Obama to demand the death certificate

How come people are lining up to fight this organic daughter?

when president garfield was dying, they shoved a bunch of stuff up his butt in the hopes it would save him. it didn't work, in fact it definitely killed him quicker. but if any white house guys are reading this: you're the chosen one, you can make it work

If it’s true, this would be the best way to celebrate Labor Day.

It’s so weird that 95 percent of NextDoor is people mad to the moon and back about poor people being in their neighborhood, and the other 5 percent is people asking for money.

I bet RFK Jr. just learned what a mitochondria is recently and now can’t stop saying it all the time.

So many adults have to fail a child before he ends up 10 years old telling CNN about the mass shooting he lived through this morning

The Greater Phoenix area is lousy with them, and frankly, it makes our city all the worse for it.

At first I thought, like, Stephen Miller had died, so it dampened the news for me just a little.

My daughter asked me if it’s ok if men wore dresses. I said yes, and to illustrate my point I told her that women used to get thrown in jail for wearing pants. And to that she said, “THEY THREW THE PANTS IN JAIL?”

To her credit, I told my six year old daughter about lesbians, and she said “having a wife sounds nice.”

Lol, you’re right.

No shit, hon.

No way Eric Adams even knows what Squid Games is.

I fixed the Cracker Barrel logo if anyone is interested! #illustration #branding

That movie is incredible.