Sometimes I'm in bed by 10pm and I wake up at 6:15am feeling amazing.

It's great, wouldn't change it.

Illustration of a young snow leopard

Snowy day❄️

#art #illustration #snowleopard #animalart #digitalart

Me, laughing maniacally at the salted caramel brown basque cheesecake box.

"Serves six???? NO. SERVES ME."

Went to eat at a wonderfully cute restaurant at a manor for @matt.lionpri.de 's birthday and it was so goooood.

I've never had carrots that tasted so amazing - and this hot lancashire cheese starter with...spring green bits and some kind of green sauce was just...ouijdhbuib I WANNA GO AGAIN.

Damn you're cool...

I previously wrote that happiness will follow, and then I realised that - that's not always true or is misleading. Sometimes the interaction will lead to sadness, it might be upsetting, and time might be needed to heal.

I think happiness comes from finding the people who want the same thing you do

I think this is why asking people what they want in a situation is so important. You're communicating your wants/needs, but also saying you value the other person's wants/needs.

Hopefully if you both feel comfortable being honest - you can find a way forward.

Some kindness involves being vulnerable. When you put someone else's needs or wants above yours, it might involve your needs or wants being rejected.

This is the hardest kindness, but also...I think a wonderful example of care, and potentially, love.

AaaaaAAAaa!

I actually realised this just today and then felt bad that I hadn't mentioned it!

I definitely believe in being honest about how the work is created. Also so I can show genuine growthhhhh.

I realised today that I had misrepresented this work by not MENTIONING that I had traced the outline of the dress in my sketchwork. Which gave the impression the work was unassisted!

I am sorry.

Oh my god this art is so stunning 😳💕 feasting my eyes- 💕 happy trans visibility day ✨

Here is some of my blast from the past nsfw art with my trans OCs 👀

I appear to have developed some side-effects from my own therapy and learning to be a therapist

I just dropped my phone onto my desk, no-where near me, and as it thudded onto the desk, I exclaimed "ow".

..digital?! I MEAN VISUAL LIBRARY. Thanks brain.

Evening Dress digital library development sketch 1 (I need to do one more with a reference, then try doing one from memory...but I think this is good! the warm ups are helping so much with my ability to draw lines)

some part of me must have felt unloveable, because it didn't think the answer could be yes.

That seems clear to me now.

I felt like I had to fix everything. that if I didn't fix it, then it would all just break

I didn't feel like I could ask for things, that I could ask for responsibility to be shared. It was scary to ask, because I had been convinced my entire life that the response would be no, and I would be hurt

I didn't know that I had value!

It sounds wild to say to me because I didn't feel like I had negative thoughts about myself. There are a bunch of signs that looking back I can now pinpoint and go "..aaaaaa okay that's it, this is how I didn't value myself.

Somewhere in my journey with therapy, and being a counsellor - I realised that I have value, I deserve to be an equal in a relationship - that I don't have to do this all alone and that I can ask for something.

So, this weekend I asked, and I found out that I was loved.

This weekend just gone I experienced a lot of anxiety and as strange as it might sound, it was good.

I had been trying to do everything I could, twist myself into shapes, and sacrifice myself for the happiness of those I love, without asking for anything in return.

I had risk-policy training today and i came out with a headache. I don't think they're related.

Yeah, I..I got that bit. all of that. I was more just double checking my understanding of the contextual "everyone".

Yeah - that's upsetting.

Even coming to the realisation that it's not going to happen and that you can't do that feels upsetting to me (I am assuming that these people are important in your life in some way).

Ahhh this added context and what you posted before provides so much to what you said, thanks for clearing that up for me.

It sounds like the "Everyone" in this sense was "Everyone you wanted to tell"?

I think for a lot of people - they don't have someone in their life that can do that, which is what leads to problems.

I don't think people are expecting or looking for that support from everyone? That seems like an odd premise.

I also don't think it's unreasonable to expect support from some people; loved ones particularly. Part of loving someone is supporting them.

The last bit is the problem; (continued)

Yeppp - Even an acknowledgement that some things can't be fixed with talking seems like it'd be a step forward towards understanding and support.

As you said, talking doesn't erase the pressures, it just maybe helps not being alone in tackling them.

Yeahh - it hurts opening up to someone who doesn't know how to do those things.

I think it's in my head because the advice of "JuSt OpEn Up" is so often repeated like that alone will fix things. It ignores the person's feelings that maybe they don't have someone safe to open up to.

Often the advice for people struggling with something is to open up to others about it.

That isn't bad advice in itself, but I think the other side of that problem is that some people don't know how to offer support or demonstrate understanding.

So it's not always that simple.

...today's art progress was supposed to be faces - Turns out I don't know how to draw hair well, so I'm working on that.

If I break everything down into small components maybe I'll get somewhereeeeee

THIS MEANS A LOT COMING FROM YOU ;w; THANK YOU