It is guaranteed to do something

Everything I do is

It’s free for a limited time

A pitcher used to catch the rain leaking through the roof of our gym

Anyone want to try any of our gym’s new roof juice?

12+1=13

Some high level insider trading matematicas was popping off at the bank today

Queue the Sarah McLaughlin

Tommy Bahama shirt left on the stool in the gym locker room. Hope the hospital ride was swift and/or the angels were welcoming 🙏

Pornhub has released the top most searched terms in the United States and every state searched “industrial crane lifting a dark and dripping shape from an unquiet sea” bc America is going through it,

They should have asked me earlier. I just got em in my pool.

I do it for the poor ornament makers of the world

I can still see some of the tree

The big bitch (my Christmas tree) is back (decorated)

The big bitch is back

If I extend this cyber Monday deal another day I’m gonna be fuckin fired, but I don’t care. I don’t fuckin care. You guys deserve this.

He says “auighrhhhhhyyhh”

A turtle statue, nutting

Happy Thanksgiving from me, and my local zoo’s nutting turtle.

"CHRIST. WHAT A MOVIE. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐" - B Alan Orange "Sometimes hard to follow..."

i've never actually seen The Passion of the Christ but i cherish my Chinese bootleg dvd

the universe may be dying. entropy will probably win. but I exist at the same point in space time as cool ranch doritos. I wonder what other snacks I’ll get to eat

the guys and i have noticed you festering lately. do you need a safe space to burst?

news reporter: so you really saw an alien and aren't just saying that to get on tv?
me with better haircut than usual: yeah that's right

I mistakenly used my YPL meter instead. I forgot SPL is the world record standard now. (Yam Poundage Level)

What’s that man couldn’t here you over the thud

adulthood is like you wake up and someone is like “that will be $500”

Buying a company by taking out a massive loan, then making the company you bought responsible for paying off that loan, is so patently evil that it should be beyond illegal. The kind of thing that inspires enlightened societies without corporal punishment to bring back the death penalty as a one-off

I’m still there. The snack situation was on point so I just didn’t leave.

I’ve already sent the email to my boss. Easy street here on out

Al poses with Elijah Wood

Always wonderful to bump into my old friend Daniel Radcliffe!

Kadyn Proctor running with the ball in his hand like the ancients foretold

wrote about the most beautiful play in college football history

channel-6.ghost.io/the-2025-top...

Yeah I did earlier to all my friends

*playing a California Raisins record for a friend* Pretty good right? These are raisins playing all the instruments