I fucking hate having a mental illness what do you mean I’m sad now, I just had two grilled cheeses

My favorite part of my 10 year high school reunion was when I got drunk enough to tell some random kid he made fun of me in middle school, then he apologized 8 times, and then showed me his Uncle Iroh tattoo. All wounds can be healed.

Had a dream last night Noah Schnapp liked one of my vids and I responded back “either you release ST season 5 to me or you stop being a Zionist” and I guess we now know my morals are flexible if TV is a factor

The popo pepper sprayed a sin bather in a a Georges Seurat painting

LAPD out there like

Happy pride

I can’t be on my family group chat anymore. They are like posting pics of their kids and job accomplishments and then I’m over here like “…so update: bought a new mug”

Stopped wearing my seatbelt so I can end up in an ER and seduce a middle-aged, overworked ER attending with PTSD. Sad boys here I come

Just had to pay $500 to make sure my tits don’t have cancer

Just bought a checkbook

Happy Thursday

I was supposed to work in college residence life, where the fuck else am I gonna wear a Avatar the Last Bender shirt to work three times a week

Me: idk I was just thinking we could all just simply vibe or whatever

UN peace council:
….who is this….

Forgot May was mental health awareness month, time to go off my meds and make yall very aware of my mental illness

Ur gay if you are a woman attracted to men in 90s TV shows, cause those are just lesbian haircuts

You: calm your tits
Me, an intellectual: insanititties

I need to post my TikToks more or else my manager will kill my family

*playing 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon*

Kevin Bacon’s wife: guys you aren’t gonna believe this…

Police man reading my confession to murder: I don’t know. All she wrote was “vibes were off fam”

My siblings will literally post actual life events on our group chat and I’m like “started new TV show”

Fuck it. gendered bathrooms at my house. No man is allowed to piss there anymore

She’s from San Diego

My goal is to out-hate my haters

Why didn’t he call me back

The amount of b*llshit I just spent on broadway tickets like… why did god make me a theatre kid

I can’t believe yall let me go to film school, wtf I trusted you guys

I’m getting an MRI today and they were like “can you sit still for an hour?” Ma’am I’m the anti-Cory booker I can lay down for as long as you want me to

Chappell roan and Noah kahan only have tour dates in Europe, wtf I don’t speak European

My grandma died in 2019 and we just received her leftover stocks as inheritance, and it was all in pfizer…..Lucia what did you know…..? How deep does this go

*milchick getting the sh*t beat out of him*

Lumon Marching Band:

#severance

THIS IS A JOKE TEAM