bro got the extensions

Black and white photo of a shorthaired tuxedo tabby kitten on a floor next to a black, old fashioned candlestick type telephone. The kitten is sitting up on its haunches with its paws against the mouthpiece, peering into it curiously. Another kitten can be seen a couple feet away, blurry but you can see its sleeping in the upright loaf position.

Before the internet kittens had to call everyone individually to explain how small and cute they were. Ca. 1920 - 1935. collection.powerhouse.com.au/object/597342

The CDC has announced that getting sick is the result of divine judgment and it is sheer human arrogance to think we can avoid it

a rice ball made to look like a fluffy white dog under a blanket (seaweed) on a bed of food

anyway this is me

Another miserable day working from home. Wearing comfortable clothes. Surrounded by all the things I could possibly need. Little dog sleeping by me. Every day this nightmare. I yearn for the office

dopamine

congratulations! 🎉
you scrolled so far you found ✨dopamine✨

i am going to solve all my problems with a suzuki carry scissor lift dump mini dump truck

Taylor Swift has won the Superbowl.

mithril shirt was a good choice. crafted by the Elves. more valuable than the Shire itself.

Travis Kelce yelling at his coach

I DONT WANT TO HAVE HER DO AN ENTIRE ALBUM ABOUT ME WE HAVE TO WIN

travis kelce is gonna lose his virginity tonight 🥹

Taylor swift going from the parking lot to the entrance gate at the Super Bowl.

how am I supposed to explain the Super Bowl to my cat

If you somehow missed your twitter experience, here ya go

A small white lamb curled up in a black rubber food dish

Ma'am that is a food dish not a lamb bed

i really don't ask for much i just want to be universally praised while simultaneously being left completely alone

I will never "Listen to my body." What's going on in there is none of my business

Closing scene from Shawshank where Andy Dufresne (Me) is working on a boat on a beach in Mexico. Red (Old Twitter Mutuals) approaches the boar grinning.

It's exhausting to meet new people all the time and have to teach them about yourself. You should have a highlight reel you can give them

Yeah buddy I see your powerpoint what I don't see is your actual point

Great, people are mad at me just because I deliberately provoked them

Once I get hit on the head by a second coconut and get my memory back it’s over for you bitches