im shopping for somethin to wear to barbie and have discovered that pink is very much not my colour

unfortunately i say mcnaldos and bubger kirg more than either chain's actual name

my boy ate his wet food too fast this morning and threw it all up

grimace 😍😍😍

finally started playing the new zelda. i’ll probably get raked over the coals for this but i feel like the land of hyrule is a magical, mysterious world that is fraught with peril

so much going on here

we have fun but i bet no one knew that the inventor of pizza and the inventor of sex actually hated each other

i am suddenly hungry and also horny i wonder why

sex is like pizza i take my clothes off when i have it

sex is like pizza, the cats get kicked out of the room when i have it

oh man i was just spitballin mine falls apart after a second of scrutiny

SEX IS LIKE PIZZA IT COMES IN A BOX

sex is like pizza cuz it comes in 30 mins or its free

me when two characters talk to each other on a TV show: "oh shit are they gonna fuck?"

i thrive at ikea

hes probly out there somewhere

thinking about if there was a guy that went oo oo aa aa like a monkey during sex

They should make a 3D mario game where you explore every inch of marios body

A cow in a swimming pool

unbothered. moisturized. happy. in my lane. focused. flourishing.

Psa

three isopods swarming a bag of Doritos

no isopod meme will ever replace this one in my heart

., ,fucking spent $599 on this toilet cover. ..been having really Bad Nightmares & starting to think it’s the toilet cover (..because it was so expensive. not because it’s a funny naked man laughing which is the good part.„)

my in laws have been in town for the last two days and lets just say gen x standup is becoming a lot more relatable

a very large werewolf statue towers over a ranch style home. he is dressed in american flags

a fun thing going on in my hometown right now is that this woman is fighting with the city over her right to have a giant werewolf in her yard, they called him "seasonal" (halloween i guess) so she put him in a new outfit

cinema buff [being offered DMT]:

uh no thanks cinema already expands my consciousness

going shower mode. getting cleancore. in my water era