What’s a poster you had in your room growing up?

This must have been very confusing for my mother, as she had her suspicions for years, but I never had the heart to say that there were just no other posters of Storm available.

Double whammy: your kid is gay AND obsessed with a fictional goddess.

WFH lunchbreak.

<quiet afternoon ritual>

Saturdays don’t ever come soon enough.

This scene in X-Men ‘97 made me cry. This is how she always was supposed to be portrayed and it finally happened. (Plus: finally acknowledging on screen that she’s an Omega-level mutant? 🤌🏻)

<keys turn in the front door> hey I’m home!

Me, interior monologue engaging: ok he knows what he married you won’t have to explain

What’s the first album you bought with your own money?

(No regrets all these years later)

It’s -3 F tonight and, while I’m a creature accustomed to and favoring cold, something between this and when this was taken (97°, at Dollywood) for a day or two would be a relief for my decrepit bones.

Feels like wearing a warm cloud? Yes. Makes me look like a Victorian Santa you ordered from T3mu? Also yes.

Some moments, thought quiet, are nonetheless charged.

Netflix recommendation bot: based on what you’ve watched before and because we know you’re eating an anxiety meal of greasy Chinese food on the floor wearing only your underwear while your cat looks longingly at you for scraps, here is some great content

Me, opening my mouth full of lo mein: nuhUH

<passing a 1998 Nissan Altima with three spare tires as the occupant is trying to do 70 MPH on a multilane interstate as smoke/steam billows out from under the hood>

Me: I don’t think the occupant of that vehicle has ever seen Final Destination but they’re about to live it

Officer: sir do you know why I pulled you over?
Jeep owner: cuz slay
Officer: you were doing 88 in a 35
JO: it’s a Jeep thing you wouldn’t understand
Officer: sir I need for you to step out right now
JO: <opens door and 567 rubber ducks fall out> it’s a Jeep thin-
Officer: <tases him in the nutbag>

Car rental bro: yo wassup
Me:
CRB: so uh checking in to pick up an <clack clack> economy vehicle
Me: yes
CRB: well I think I can get you in something better for the same price
Me: great
CRB: yeah you’re a big guy
Me:
CRB: <hands me keys to a huge fourdoor pickup>
Me:
CRB: hooked a brotha UP

Me, at the register, to cashier:
So, why is the frosting behind the counter with the cigarettes?

Cashier: <mutely pantomimes scooping out frosting from the can with two fingers and eating it, eyes rolling back in his head>

Me, the best-dressed person in that Family Dollar: ah

Me, waiting for doctor’s appointment: 📱

Another patient, a mid-60s woman: god, waiting rooms are boring

<she disappears>

Woman: well all they had were these <shows me a Paw Patrol activity book and a bag of crayons>

Me: you gonna color d1cks on them or

Her: what?

Me: hope there’s a sudoku