I’m eligible for the draft??
But I didn’t even play basketball in colle- ooooooohh THAT draft

All too many…

How it feels to be one of the only millennials who hates “Somewhere Only We Know” by Keane

A little old lady’s shopping list flutters to the ground
With lightening speed and alacrity I step on half of it so she can’t pick it up until she pays me in cold hard cash money
hashtag entrepreneur
hashtag grindset
hashtag no days off

Bro did you seriously just give an account of the game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball?????

The only major university actually teaching “woke” nonsense is Berklee College of Music
Nobody needs to play bass like that.
Nobody, and I mean nobody needs to play guitar like that

I’ve met Dr. Pepper,
and SHE is beautiful

The playlist was compiled by a guy who has never meanfully listened to Irish folk music in their life bro!!!

Bro you’ve GOT to come out on St Patrick’s day!! The most annoying bar in the neighborhood has their whole parking lot fenced off so you can stand on asphalt while you drink green bud light and eat boiled cabbage in the sun!!

“This is the LAST time I sit in the jumpstart while you sit up front you bald little shit!!!”

I think if I was Art Garfunkel I probably would have lashed out in anger and killed Paul Simon at some point

Dont get me wrong, the white stripes changed my life as much as every other white tween in the early 2000s but I mean come on

My brother in Christ you are the white boy blues

They’re calling it the fuzziest album cover of all time

I think the NBA should expand to give every metro area with a population above 500,000 people a professional basketball team
A 110 team league
It’s a beautiful dream

The Traveling Wilburys doc is so funny
A clip of Tom being like “We were all brothers in arms and we made this incredible music together”
and every other Wilbury was like “Roy was… not fond of Tom”

Overheard my genz coworker talking about how much he likes the new Baby Keem album but I thought he said BB King and I was like
“Oh man did they put out an unreleased album? I’m so sad I never got to see him before he died, I love his stuff in the ‘Well’ era”

Genz cw:
“Who???”

Coworker hit me with a new one today
“It’s like beating a dead horse, eventually you just get tired!”

A French knight name Sir La Table

The ultimate dream is to be a 10-12 year career journeyman utility infielder who never bats above .210

odie loves a #LunchSandwich

Must be a Albertsons umbrella store! I see signature brand items. I just fear the peppers eye doesn’t have enough holding capacity!!

Willie developed some unfortunately very reactionary and flat out wrong opinions later in his life but goddamn if “Eso Se Baila Asi” isn’t one of the greatest and most raucously joyous songs ever recorded

Sugar Ray
Sugar Wife Debra
Sugar Brother Robert
Sugar Mother Marie
Sugar Father Frank

Inspired by true events

I don’t want to work I want to be with my wife
((And the incredible baked pesto penne I made last night))

We saw Gaga