This lil boy has an insta now 💕
@jordan.the.greyhound

Guys it wasn't a Nazi salute. It was a different kind of salute that hasn't been seen or used in over 2000 years and almost no record of it exists outside of extremely obscure sources that haven't been altered or updated to fit the narrative in the last 24 hours.

I need one of those jobs where I wake up at 9am and drink a 40 dollar smoothie from Erewhon and get to work by noon and answer 2 emails and go home and get paid $130k a year

Yeah these things def take pics of my cock and penis

Jordan wants to know why you haven't taken him to the park yet.

Well?

Chris Sawyer didn't slave over a hot computer in 1999 making Rollercoaster Tycoon just for you to say Minecraft is the best videogame

Me at the dispensary: hey i just need something chill and normal
Them: here, this is called Princess Diana's Mercedes-Benz 1997

Steampunk is like "what if all technology was just hot water and clocks but we get real horny with it"

Happy new year from the boyz

Bro has no idea

Hey sup

Andrew Tate was crying in court nature is healing

‼️

He got lil chicken legz

Jordan Cuddleman LLC

Signed the lease on my new house in west philly 🙌 we're moving up boys

Me? Stressed? Heck no, all I do is stare at a device that beams nightmares into my eyes all day. How could I be stressed?

When you squabble up because you're just a chill guy like that

"I miss how Black Friday used to be! It'd be dark and freezing and we'd be huddled together in line outside waiting for the doors to open!"

You're describing being a coal miner in 1836. It actually wasn't fun. The only reason you enjoyed it is because you weren't working.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I think i look like that chill ass dog meme but rly I'm like this most of the time

Get plateup! It's overcooked on steroids

me:

professor x: yes, i can read minds

me:

professor x: yes, i suppose the name alvin and the chipmunks alludes to he himself not being one

Anthony entering his charlie dompler era

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO (to therapy)

I hired an Israeli exterminator and told him I have one mouse in my apartment. He blew up my entire building