Wearing a high-vis shirt at the worksite today that says "PUSSY MAINTENANCE" on the back

To people in their early/mid 20s, don't let anyone pressure you into thinking you need to have it all figured out right now. It turns out your 20s is just for learning that gas stations in other regions do the same thing as your favorite gas station and sometimes they do it better

Snapchat message from my nephew with a screenshot of my Snapchat profile, showing that I traveled to Gilbert, Arizona. A message underneath reads "bro in gilbert 💀💀💀"

Just got fucking obliterated by my nephew on Snapchat

If it were up to me Jerry from Tom and Jerry would NOT be doing all that. He would be in a glue trap

I've been preparing for this

hand pointing at distant ninja on cliff

yonder

It's not diarrhea, it's peeing out your ass

You've been Stella-locked

I'm in Mesa for work this week, is there a place where I can go to like get my ass beat without all of the drama. Or maybe where I can beat someone's ass

Don't forget

Prilk (prawn milk)

An old black cat named Olive. She is sleeping using a hot dog shaped toy as a pillow

Having friends with cats is almost like having nieces and nephews, they're cute and fun to play around with but then when they start being dickheads or shitting on themselves it's not your problem. Anyways this is my friend's cat Olive a few minutes before she shit on herself

I'm glad there's another one of those Tomodachi Life games, it's something I would absolutely never play but I'm glad there's a bunch of people with something wrong with them that will go through that and post content of it for me

I've turned it into an art

Being the dumbest guy I know takes work

LibreOffice babey

I went 1-2 at the prerelease but I won the lottery by not playing a single hateable dork. All chill people. Let's hope I do better at the one tomorrow

A bite a candy. A sip a soda. This, in the right order, is how the gamer finds peace

Article headline: "Avengers: Doomsday directors returned to Marvel because they 'wanted to move the story forward' with Chris Evans' Steve Rogers" Article subhead: "The Russos say the MCU crossover's story 'really required ' Chris Evans and Robert Downey Jr. to return"

This is the funniest quote for them to give because those are like. The two characters who actually had story closure

Sorry I don't know how that hashtag got put there. I don't know how to delete it

Hopefully everyone is heading here right now!! Hah hah jk ☺️ happy friday everyone #TGIF #FootFreaksAnonymous

(hitting a bow so deep I strain my groin but I'm powering through it) many blessings upon those enormous jugs, my lady

Quandrix pussy got me doing the Fibonacci circle with my tongue. I am now in a different room

Catch me hitting "Yes, it's me" on the push notification

She uhhh she hold on my lore til ummm. Until my bloom withers. Prismari

Happy Strixhaven day everyone, let's all celebrate that Hasbro somehow didn't end up tying in Harry Potter to the set

don't remember doing this, the mark of a true poster

It's okay to find toilet humor funny. It's fine if imagining the slipknot guy screaming "I push my fingers into my ass" instead of "eyes" makes you chuckle so much during a 3am pee that you have to clean it up a little bit

While the site is broken and nobody can see my posts: my nuts fell off in 2023. I was at a construction site for work going down a flight of stairs and the damn things just rolled out the leg of my pants and I never saw them again

gottem