theonion.info

Waiting for the bad news about John Ternus. We're not allowed to have CEOs that aren't technocrats, right?

His age exceeds his IQ more and more every day!

They're still shipping in SUVs all the time to the Whipple ICE Building in Minneapolis Minnesota. Pretty sure they're going to be doing mass elections interference. Y'all ready? 😬

The richest 10% of Americans own roughly 87% of stocks.

The richest 1% alone own roughly half of all stocks.

It's worth pointing out once again that the stock market is not the economy.

Correct. Most of her community has disowned her.

So, she is a narcissist then? Yup

Hell yeah, a principal. Someone who actually does something for the people they're responsible for.

Is that why y'all are shitting on Hassan Piker's centrist views and calling him a terrorist amongst other absurd accusations? Y'all love talkin', but your words no longer hold value.

Old Navy is the worst offender of vanity sizing, I swear.

This Elmer Fudd piece of shit, ugh

Jeff Bezos' Editorial Board Calls Trump's AG Pick, Who Lobbied for Amazon, 'Qualified' The Washington Post's editorial board gave a thumbs up for Trump's attorney general pick Pam Bondi, who previously lobbi

Jeff Bezos' Washington Post editorial board endorsed Pam Bondi as a "qualified" and "serious" pick for Attorney General.

Nowhere in the endorsement did they mention that she's a former Amazon lobbyist.

Another reminder that billionaire control of our media is a threat to democracy.

cool mutiny spring to lead us into hot coup d'etat summer

If they REALLY want this place to be a Christian Nation and we all answer to a higher power, the least they could do is federally mandate time off for all practiced christian and Catholic holidays. But businesses would lose $$$. So is this about record net profit or respecting religious belief? Pick

It's no coincidence that SCOTUS decided Conversion Therapy is totally ok on TDOV

Turn the TV off. Or, get a cheap wired headset, cut off the aux plug, and plug it into the headphone jack in the TV. No more trash for anyone to hear!

Why does it feel wrong that Hakeem Jeffries is on this list?

You'd think this is what maga is thinking, and yet you can get on Nextdoor and you'll see maga blaming Democrats for it. What a cult.

Meghan Trainor's notorious 2-toilet setup with husband Daryl Sabara will be 'knees to knees' in new house Meghan Trainor says she's switching up her two-toilet bathroom in her new house with husband Daryl Sabara: 'We will be close. Knees to knees.'

Wait, does this mean Meghan Trainor was talking about that bass cuz she likes her husband to drop a log next to her? WAITWAITWAIT

ew.com/meghan-train...

This is so cute and innocent and pure until you realize that the butterflies were probably fuckinnnn on a leaf and their sex act slipped off and broke apart on a doggos nose and one butterfly is like hey come back, we can keep going on the dogs nose. 🤣 Ok but this is still cute tho.

Perfect, no notes!

Art by @timpsingleton

It’s as easy as shutting your effin mouth!

And did I mention… it’s free?!

A prostitute's idea of true love? Wtf? Maybe find a different group of people to shit on.

If I knew enough people that I could always go somewhere and have a cuddle buddy, I'd be set for life.

You also took away Gender Affirming Care from trans children in military families. Nothing says supporting minnesotans like taking away their healthcare? I'm so excited to see someone replace you.

Trans family, what are your thoughts on a cis person saying "ladies, theydies, and gentlemen"?

Fuck toilet paper math. Y'all are just out here making shit up.

Dropkick Murphy's just said Minnesotans have balls of steel.

Don't believe the honeymoon phase of the abuse cycle that is this regime. Noem isn't gone. Just wait. They're never going to stop.

Y'all are acting like she isn't going to continue killing innocent people. We all know how this regime works, she is just going to do it in another way. But hey, let's celebrate I guess.