Oh shit it rotates

Y’all aren’t ready for the kind of thighs I’m bringing to the goml hotel gym and pool

Fav band this year

Guys…

Please for fuck’s sake if there’s a greater force out there who’s listening - please let zohran win this election, we need a dub so bad rn

Nobody’s better at eating cereal with their hands while they’re drunk than me.

If you hit me on your citibike I’m cancelling your next depop order and not refunding you

hitting some ledgedashes would be wonderful but these titties aren’t going to suck themselves.

Me when I’ve had sex one time in one position and it was pretty good:

That tracks 🫡

Okay what’s good with Minecraft I know the soundtrack is heat but what is the environment you’re listening to it in

People kept saying that as you grow up your tastes become largely defined by the time you leave college. I’ve found this to be largely untrue. I love yacht rock now

Indefensible first part

Personally I find it indefensible if you are a plain vanilla ice cream with no toppings enjoyer

Feeling kinda freaky ‘cause the automatic paper towel dispenser wouldn’t work so I had to finger it a little to get the next sheet out

Can’t believe my freaky ass used to pop each edamame bean out individually before eating it

Yeah I’m built different - incorrectly

“To be loved is to be known” I think to myself as the deli guy starts making my sandwich as soon as I walk in

Smoking that shit that made Jennifer love Hewitt

Some people with fake jobs will really be out here posting videos with a cat on their lap being like “wahh how am I supposed to work like this 😣” FUCK YOUUUU

YOUNG MAN, there's no need to feel down
i said YOUNG MAN, pagliacci the clown
you can SEE HIM
he is playing in town
you should go
and
have
a
good time

When I’m in phone mode in bed, sometimes I avoid looking at the time just so I can feel like I went to bed earlier than I really am

Kind of sucks knowing I’ll never again get my hair washed when I get a haircut

We are not the same. I do not play with the cat so I can show my Instagram followers.

Fuck yes

Uhmmm sorry but the moon and the sun are never out at the same time actually so this can’t be the case <3

We’ve gotta go put a trans flag on the moon

Made out like a bandit because you know I’m stealing kisses

Seeing an ipad baby - no, this is not good

Seeing a cat watching the television - incredible, you are like a little man

They should make likes public here. What’re you freaks looking at on the butterfly app