Geiselhöringer schlägt Nachbarn, weil er zu laut sein Schnitzel klopft

Meanwhile in Germany, eine sexy Slang-Streitbeilegung (a sexy slang adjudication) after a man is punched in the face for hammering his schnitzel too loudly.

Teenager warns County Durham allotment cockerel ban could force pets to be put down A father and son have urged a council to reverse a ban on keeping cockerels at allotments and warned owners could be forced to euthanise them.

If only there were someone in a senior position at the county council with experience in choking the chicken.

Aart ziet eeuwenoude graven vervallen: 'Stenen breken doormidden' Een aantal eeuwenoude graven op de algemene begraafplaats in Woudrichem heeft snel een grondige opknapbeurt nodig, vindt Aart de Joode. “Ze breken doormidden.” Maar aan zijn oproep lijkt de gemeente A...

Meanwhile in the Netherlands, local authorities are doing nothing about collapsing graves, as area man spends day and night playing whack-a-mole with the undead.

My London: Notting Hill residents paint houses black to put off 'rude' influencers.

Johnny Nice Painter out off of The fast Show having one of his episodes triggered by the colour black.

JOHNNY.

www.mylondon.news/news/west-lo...

Northampton couple who met on bus ride double decker to wedding The pair are now married after meeting during their commute last summer.

Everything is terrible. So here is a NICE THING.

Electronic Roadsign saying: DURG DRIVING CAN COST YOU YOUR LICENCE, CAR, JOB & LIFE.

Hey kids, don’t do durgs.

www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/2603312...

Shock as child left covered in blue paint after playing in park A mother was shocked when her six-year-old, who had been playing in the park, ran up to her covered in blue paint

I went to school with a kid who claimed he drank a bottle of blue ink and then did a blue poo. Check it’s not blue poo, parents. Could happen.

Save the Wick campaigners stage 'human-chain' and gain petitions in day of action More than 130 people attended the event with people of all ages dressing up in array of wildlife themed costumes as suggested.

World’s greatest superglue prank causes fury.

The Argus TORY MP IN A TUTU

Mozza’s not even trying these days

Theme park rumbled as 'elephants' turn out to be staff in costumes Visitors at a theme park in China were stunned after two 'elephants' used in a stage show turned out to be performers in costumes after human ankles were spotted on camera

I am shocked. SHOCKED.

Cheers, but we don’t have frog face on my account

Bagman with his hand on his hip for the photographer from the Nu Earth Advertiser, because the council has missed his bins for the third week in a row and he’s just FUMMIN.

Had that with a lease car. Bunch of crooks.

Enterprise demanded almost $10K from couple, alleged wrong fuel damaged rental car | CBC News A B.C. couple says they returned a rental car without issue — then months later were told they owed almost $10K for diesel damage. Receipts, vehicle design and expert opinion contradict the claim, whi...

Regret to report that RentalBastard™️ have been at it again.

Preston bin day collection changes scramble after leaflets were not delivered – Blog Preston <p>Cabinet member responsible says council staff have gone door-to-door after dispute over whether bin calendar leaflets were delivered</p>

One truly reliable constant in this nation of ours is knowing What Day Is Bins. This is an unconscionable blunder for which heads must roll.

Cat.

Norman Price, firestarter.

Wait.

That would be an ecumenical matter.

Protests over 'flick knife' sweet SWEETS designed like flick knives are to be removed from sale after protests by parents Concerned mum Liz Evans, from Easton, Portland, called for…

From 2008, file this one under Normal For Portland

Paisley Daily Express JESUS APPEARS IN PUB

“Twelve bottles of water please”
“I’ve told you before - you’re barred”

Never mind your middle aisle, Aldi... Where's our path gone?! Locals are locked in a row with a supermarket over a footpath.

Another black day for Johnny Painter out off of The Fast Show

www.edp24.co.uk/news/2603057...

Protesters say Bristol Airport's runway extension will 'wreck' common Airport wants to extend its runway so it can accommodate larger planes and offer long-haul flights.

Since when did Super Mario work as airport ground crew? He’s a plumber.

The community 'cut off from the world' by controversial bus lane Residents are banned from parking outside their homes when Blackburn Rovers are playing at home

Yet there he is, making contact with civilisation.

…one of the few local papers that regularly publishes reader poems. A gift that we cherish.

Anger as small business is ordered to remove sign dubbed "a safety risk" A small independent retailer in Emsworth has been forced to remove a traditional swinging shop sign after being told it breached highways regulations.

You know who else is struggling, mate? People with limited vision trying to navigate down that pavement.

Pickup resurfaces in Leicester (in the US), 44 years after reported stolen.

A Toyota Hilux would have started first time. This VW was dumped because it was clearly cursed.

(This Leicester is in the US, but that wouldn’t have made a difference)

The Stoke-on-Trent road where motorists drive on pavement to avoid the potholes Drivers are demanding action

Daily Star for scale, as he presumably didn’t have a banana.

Derby Telegraph.

Toyota Corolla by Annie Thompson Bye bye my old lady, As you're affectionately known, I'm sad to see you go. My friend indeed you have been, 2001 Toyota Corolla built just down the road, Not just a tin can on wheels, An extremely reliable motor, you have been. Only one owner before me, With no car on the drive, as my other one sold to a lovely family, And I couldn't decide now what to go for next. Then my elderly friend said he couldn't drive anymore. Would I like to buy her? "Oh, yes please," I said. Perfect, sorted, then you came to live on my drive. Brum, brum and off I go Until now, when she's no longer fit to drive, no MOT so she has to go. Only 43,000 miles on your clock.. My favourite ever Toyota Corolla I’ll miss you so.

In summary: 2001 Toyota Corolla, no MOT, 43,000 miles. Spares or repairs, buyer collects. £50.

Parking wars! Fed-up folk demand fix for 'obstacle course' road People living in George Borrow Road just off The Avenues want Norfolk County Council to introduce parking permits in the street after years of…

So much BUT MY CAR