bad news for me, the guy who uses the world's biggest condom

republicans will yowl and piss and moan and that to my mind is all the reason to do it

I have so many questions for my parents and only one request to GMET this offseason.

If not confirmed your keeping the Pedophiles investment vehicles????

See how that sounds?

I literally got out of bed at 5:30 this morning because I was stressed out over a very vivid but very not a real situation dream I'd just had.

Could not stop thinking about that thing that I do not, in any way, actually have to do.

We want so badly for these weirdos (derogatory) to figure out they fucked up that we're willing to prop up the very liars who pedaled this bullshit if they offer an empty mea culpa.

Now. If Tucker Carlson was suddenly and actively working to fix any part of the mess he spent decades helping create?

Should have filled up the gas tank before today's scheduled oil panic.

And you sure as shit don't get to-- in April of 2026-- start demanding people get behind Gavin Newsom or some other dipshit for 2028.

Except that when the "hold him accountable" part came, all they got in return was hysterical nonsense about "OH SO NOW YOU WANT TRUMP TO WIN."

And THEN, they had to listen to people yadda yadda a fucking genocide. No wonder they stayed the fuck home.

So no, you don't get to be mad about 2024.

I want to be clear, here. You want to be mad at the left for 2016? Fine. That's your right and I'm probably with you.

But then we spent 2020 saying "hold your nose, vote for Biden, and then we'll all hold him accountable." And the left did that.

Thank you Jordan Martinook for letting me go to bed.

Technically can advance by winning game 3.

THAT ONE COUNTS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!

Insurance counts as gambling.

It feels like we’ve seen a disproportionate amount of officials in the way in this game. I’m not putting anything on my head yet, but I am pulling the foul out of its drawer in the kitchen.

An entire intermission to flush the call. Just win this game, Carolina Hurricanes.

If Ottawa was honorable they would concede the game to us. That’s just sportsmanship.

This feels like a poor omen.

Holy fuck, don’t throw things on the ice, dummies.

This is coming back. But it’ll be some letter of the law rather than spirit of the law stuff.

I love that Jank got that goal and I love that my adult son Seth Jarvis set it up.

Okay. Quality shots. This is good. Now just…make one.

My position for the last hour is that they should shoooooot unless they do, then it was a bad shot. It’s too early to be this broken by a hockey series.

I was going to go to bed but now am vibrating like I’m on recreational drugs.

There has to be something in-between “holds the puck too long” and “takes an ill-advised shot,” doesn’t there?

4th line has had the only forechecking in OT.

Canes need to possess the zone for longer than 4 seconds or it’s not gonna go well.

What if I told you there have been 37 Stormys…

Could the worst hockey commentators even speak if you took the phrase “answer the bell” from them?

I’d love for this overtime to be where Seth Jarvis remembers he’s playing in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.