“Too many eyeballs, not enough pussy.”- @birdhoneycutt.bsky.social

It’s false what they say. Love is not enough. It wasn’t enough to save my marriage. A feeling. A sense of duty to it. A desperate gambit to be what we said we’d be. A sinking ship we were afraid to jump overboard of. It’s true what they say. Love is enough. It is enough to save our lives, and to build them. In this moment. In this love. An action. A commitment. A dedication to what we want and deserve, not just for ourselves but for each other. An ongoing promise. A choice every day.

Last night I went to an excellent party where I was surrounded by my queer community. This morning, looking through the photos we all sent to the group chat, it felt like I was looking at an in memoriam or a documentary of when we were all free. So that’s where my head is. This is a dark timeline.

Two people embrace in front of the sunset on a mountaintop. The Blue Ridge Mountains are visible behind them, under an orange and pink sky.

Anyway, here is a photo of me with the love of my life, @birdhoneycutt.bsky.social What a beautiful life we share, and I am beyond excited to share it with them forever.

Life is hectic and hard, but it is full of joy again. I am full of light again. I am myself. I am strong. I am determined. I am well. And I am so, so loved that I don’t know how I ever accepted anything less. Every other love has been less. There is nothing more or better to be had.

I still want to experience all of the love in the world. But what I want is to experience it with this one person who understands me in a way I have never been understood, who sees me in a way I have never been seen, and who loves me in a way I have never been loved.

There is so much love in the world, and 4.5 months ago I would have said that I desperately sought to experience every single love out there with as many different people. Today, though, I’m sitting in a new place.

But then here I was, falling in love with someone who met needs I didn’t know I had. Having groundbreaking conversations in a language I didn’t know anyone else spoke. Pouring from a full cup, and having my cup be filled in return without fail. I had been so empty for so long.

I’ve spent my entire adult life with a tight grip on my identity as a polyamorous person. I love so deeply, and I have so much love to give. I have always said that I could never meet all of anyone’s needs, and could never expect anyone else to meet all of mine.

There’s something so bizarre about experiencing the end of a relationship that has taken all you can give (and then some) for so long, while also having the world-shattering experience of finding your soul mate and falling in love at the same time that you’re falling out of it.

I’m glad i’m no longer 18 and drowning under the weight of my limited experience. Can’t wait to see what life will be like in another 10 years. It gets so much better, y’all. Honest.

I am nothing like the person I was then. Life keeps growing around the sorrow, and it’s so clearly worth sticking around for. I’m glad I went out that night to celebrate. I’m glad that celebration became enough of a reason not to leave.

What a decade it has been since then. What a life I have lived in the last ten years. What a life I am living now.
I won’t say there haven’t been times I have thought about it again, but they’re fewer and further between these days. Life is good. I am glad to be living it.

cw// suicide mention

Ten years ago tonight, I had a plan to end my life. As a last hoorah, I went out with a friend to a bar. I was in a great mood. I knew nothing mattered anymore. I was relieved.
I didn’t do it. I changed my mind, in part due to the fun I had that night.
I am so grateful.

Two people pose in front of a taxidermy moose. One has red hair and glasses. One has dark hair and is pointing at the moose.

Loving them is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Grateful to spend our first Valentine’s Day together, and looking forward to many, many more of them. @birdhoneycutt.bsky.social is the love of my life. And what a life we are living.

penguin books - your shitty body & you - a guide to giving up

Finally, a book that gaslights me less than my doctor.

Being intentional with my time lately, or trying to anyway.

Today I woke up in a bad panic attack. I was doing pretty bad all day.
This afternoon, I am going shopping for valentine’s day as a special treat.

I hope you’re making a little space in the chaos for yourself today.

But god, I feel dumb. The life I worked for and built and busted my ass for is gone. I’m watching it fade away in real time. And grief feels incorrect, but also necessary? Anyway…I have never liked change. I like this change. But also I hate it. That’s all.

Yes, that realization does make me feel more secure in my choices. But it also makes me so sad, like someone that I thought knew me best (and who I thought I knew best) was not what I thought I had. This isn’t where I thought I’d be five months ago. And yes, I do like this better.

There’s a certain cognitive dissonance that comes from being secure and happy in your life and your choices while also finding that the life and choices you’d made for yourself previously were precarious at best.

A decade ago, after a pretty traumatic freshman year, I dropped out of college. Yesterday, I finished my first week of my sophomore year. I am so grateful, I am so proud, and I am so in love with my life. I’m supported. I’m happy. I’m gonna do this.

@itsachronicthing_ in a rainbow circle it says - chronic illness means working 3 times as hard to achieve half as much

Anyway, today is stressful and I am doing my best to be responsible with my emotions. It’s so goddamn hard. If you’re doing the work today, you’re not alone. Even when it feels lonely.

Healing sure is a bitch. Recognizing your triggers and self-regulating so that you don’t fall back on old behaviors is exhausting, and it’s outward. Like yeah, you HAVE to do it, right? But sometimes I would maybe like a little crash-out as a treat.

You know how shrimp can see colors we can’t, and as hard as you try, you can’t begin to dream of what those colors might look like?
Yeah. This love I am in is like that. I couldn’t even begin to dream of it.

The back end of 2025 was absolutely unhinged, and I’m going into 2026 a whole new guy. God I love being alive- Life changes so fast sometimes, and while often that change is hard, sometimes it is better than you ever could have imagined.
Anyway I’m in love and I’m happy and I hope you are, too.

If you’re gonna get married, you should marry someone that, when you get a couple drinks in you, you can’t stop proposing to.

Finding gratitude in the mundane:
What an honor to clean my home, listening to a playlist made by someone who loves me, and to fuss at my dogs for tracking through the dirt, and to fuss at the cat for bothering the cut flowers in the kitchen. What a blessing. Grateful.

It's Just Love. The rippling effects of grief.

open.substack.com/pub/dodgernc...

“I don’t want condiments, I want you to wash that ass.”