That’s to be expected, I guess.

Was considering house flipping but since my ruptured disk I don’t think my back could handle that.

Some of us don't even have to go to a disco to panic, my dude.

a good way to leave a conversion is to say "knock knock" and then leave the room

The five stages of grief but it's just me realizing I have to leave my house

Kermit remained grounded but Miss Piggy succumbed to her blind hambition

I hope this email finds you …unable to detect my reluctance to email you.

Any time can be quitting time if you just don’t care anymore.

Anyone who does that fake throwing a ball for their dog thing... well done, you outsmarted a dog. A dog that loves you and really, really wanted you to throw a ball for them.

You should be on some kind of register.

My bachelor party was pretty lame. My friends took me to a strip mall.

Ever wonder what it would be like to have a demented sociopath as President? Well now you know.

they should make a Bluesky that works

No offense but I can’t see any of the images you people are uploading

People like Pete Hegseth believe that China manufactures the flu as a weapon.

He then tells China, potentially our biggest military enemy, that he is ensuring that US troops *will* be made vulnerable to the flu.

When you're too stupid to reconcile your conspiracy theories.

just saw someone call Kash Patel “J Edgar Boozer” and need to lie down

Kash Patel refuses to say he has never been intoxicated or absent during his tenure as FBI director. I'm going to take that as he definitely has.

Nobody is safe as long as this man is in office. Impeach now.

one of the ways the mid to late 20th century political world has distorted the historical memories of even sophisticated observers is in the idea that you can achieve major transformations of american political life through something like bipartisan consensus

Now that I’ve finally finished reading ‘Project Hail Mary’ I can stop avoiding spoilers about the movie. And now I see it that it’s staying in theaters longer and not streaming anytime soon as originally planned. Good for it, bad for me.

I got trapped in a bidding war for a house because my wife loved the lengthy corridor. Now I'm in it for the long hall.

we all know I have no life, so:

adding floral patterns to my list of grievances because rage can still be pretty there are no rules

holding a seance so i can call thomas edison a psycho

My boss is getting a little perturbed about my current excuse for everything "It must have gotten stuck in the Strait of Hormuz."

Saw a store selling marinated goat cheese and now I’m obsessed trying to figure out how you marinate a goat.

No one is giving me any call backs for my game show idea “LDS or LSD?!?” The show that tests contestants ability to tell the difference between actual Mormon beliefs and stuff the writers thought of while taking acid.

men are very silly and gullible, apparently you can say sunscreen isn't manly and now a lot of them will intentionally die of skin cancer

My favorite part of walking dogs is when they look up at me and smile like, “Isn’t this GREAT?” and “Thanks for carrying my poop” and “I won’t run if you unleash me” and “You’re kind of stupid, aren’t you?"

I spend an inordinate amount of my workday looking for ways to say someone is acting dumb without actually saying it

Are you telling me Tim made this curry?