i should have eaten a handful of edibles when i got off work to celebrate the holiday properly instead of checking my grades like an idiot. i'll have to make up for it by getting out of my mind wasted on wednesday night

i think there comes a point where you just gotta let go of the idea that anything will ever get better. there's no better, smarter version of me. there's *definitely* no version of me that gets into law school. what i am now is all i'll ever be, and i'll only ever diminish from here

i really was an idiot to think i could do this. i've fucked up everything i've ever tried, why would college be any different, especially after such a long time

idk i'll ask my doctor about it

this is probably a sign that it's chemical in nature, and i should be increasing my lexapro dosage. or maybe it's the logical response to living this particular life, in this particular world, in this particular shambling, horrifyingly ugly, misshapen, misbegotten body

the worst thing about my particular kind of depression is that it usually happens for no discernible reason. it's like my brain has a quota to meet, "you had a couple of good months, you need to spend a week wanting to kill yourself so we can make our numbers this quarter." stupid. idiotic.

oh my god dude i really am gonna be ugly forever. what a thing to have to live with

computer, how do you become photogenic. computer, how do you take pictures of yourself without wanting to burn them. computer, destroy every reflective surface on the face of the earth

the wolqotd trend of the day being "show your wol's ass, show your wol's huge fat fucking ass and squishy thighs" has been DEVASTATING for my productivity

thinking about squish today

YOU ARE SO CORRECT

jude paw shower fucking

yall dont even know

im crawling out of my SKIN this is CRAZY

SUT UP

need to bite THIGH

need to bite

feral

it did not

was thinking about what rooms in my house would make good kids bedroom... it's bad, yall

getting hit with super intense "i want to be a dad" waves today

i want to gpose more jp kisses. i need to get better at it. i need to do some figure studies i think... maybe read some hentai with lots of sloppy makeouts. for the purpose of improving my own craft, of course. this porn is for EDUCATION as well as titillation. IT CAN BE BOTH.

but, the good news is that your life will be better without those people. even if it hurts. even if you miss them terribly (which is an acceptable way to feel). you deserve people in your life who respect you, and are gladdened by getting what you want from life

i encourage everyone to try this, but i must advise that you may lose more than you expect if you decide to change. people that become accustomed to having a people pleaser in their circle don't often like it when that person decides to stop being a doormat. you will probably lose friends.

i still struggle with it. sometimes, i still feel as though my only value lies in what i can do for others. but i'm getting better about it. i'm getting better at advocating for myself, and taking what i want from the world

the biggest and most challenging thing i ever had to change about myself was stopping the urge to try to save everyone i meet and instead start living for myself. it's hard to do, when you grow up believing your entire worth is what you can provide for others

bunnygirls all over the TL and i have to WORK today >:I JP will find a way to mating press as many bunnygirls as he can, though. it will be an easter miracle. that's in the bibble

aro, the absolute champion that you are

gonna have to try harder from now on