can depression stop appearing behind me and kicking me into the dirt when i least expect it

chu,,, i hold up a bouquet,,,

Also super enjoyed the lore and time spent on all the ally units this time around and their abilities and trying with work with some of the more limited sinner fights, goodly content and just so much to consume about the narrative

i hope one day i can touch the stars

i dont wanna do this anymore im so tired

the mind's entering a terrible spiral of wanting to give up again

i hold things i cant see
but every day i hear things that drop my faith in people

people are ugly sometimes
and im one of them

i am just painfully human, and sometimes i feel like i am just wearing a meat suit and pretending i understand the people around me

i create because i hope it gives me purpose, however slow i have become. i do not believe i have purpose. but still i create. hope is an ugly thing to me. i dont see the purpose in hope, but i contradict myself by hoping

it's a form of purpose and the ideology that i am [something] worth living for

they may give me any hope and despair to keep going, but that strength is so tiring to use. i am tired and yet even in my most vulnerable state, i must fight

it's depressing what the mind can go through in the states of negativity. at the end of the day what i am is a very lonely person

it is an empty wasteland in my mind, i do not see colour. i do not believe myself to touch colours i do not deserve - it is fragile like sand and it always sifts through my hands

they may give me all the love and support and treasure the memories of today, but i will always fear tomorrow

i think myself helpless for using such determination to survive another night, unable to do things unless i know there are others who can gaze with me, but i have no arms to reach them, i am nowhere close to that circle of support

i may feel the love from afar, but i cannot feel it within me

sometimes its like staring into the night skies - empty and devoid of light. but i know there are beautiful and incomprehensible things out there, so i hold onto that gaze until it hurts to keep it in my chest

other times i feel like im drowning in those eyes - too prideful to let go

one day that feeling will go away

i am typically reminded every weekend how lonely i get sometimes

i need caFFEINE

committing atrocities

this is how i feel during holidays every year nothing ever changes its the same shit every time

oh yeah just completely ignore my concern that i could be getting sick by changing topics that i should get a haircut and that if i get sick, "just fix it" - god i hate that mentality

a lot of people wasting my time these days and im tired of committing effort for nothing i just do things for me at this point

i guess my job has taught me how much i value time management when things need to get done and how much i value sticking to a schedule with planned things - like no, im not gonna drop my personal plans that i did weeks before because you wanted to do something else literally last minute

it sure is a time when you're stuck waiting for multiple things to be finished / get approved and people don't really stick to their deadlines - think both things I've waited 2-3 months now

whatever its not like they communicate if something stops them from doing so??? at least tell me?????

i sure hate constantly entering depressive spirals when i accept my vulnerabilities

december's such a busy month for me, irl and video game-wise i cant keep up ooooooooooo

suddenly its my fault i didnt answer a message right away or because you cant keep track of timezones aight cool anyways, sips my coffee

lol why are you acting so personal when i dont expect immediate responses

the sunshine is a bleak abyss

shark week making me distort

skin peeling new ways to destroy mankind