Someone on Twitter tweets: "I noticed Gen Z people don't carry umbrellas. They just walk in the rain lol"

you don't need an umbrella when all your clothes are made from plastic

It's not just the kids, though. Almost everyone is painfully unfit for their positions.

A walnut overflowing with cottage cheese proclaims "yes, I'm a cottage cheese walnut and I'm delicious!"

This is how I'm introducing myself at all work and social events going forward

🔥🔥🔥
🔥👁️👄👁️🔥
🫲🧡💛🧡🫱
🦵🦵

Two hot dogs on a white foam plate topped with cheddar cheese slices, BBQ sauce, and cooked shrimp

Wanna see something scary?

For wrapping your slenderman-ass fingers around and around and around.

This is one of the hardest lessons to internalise. I keep falling into the trap of believing that if I can simply find the *right* words to explain it, the hurtful behaviour will change...

a display in a grocery store advocating for mixing creamy plain yogurt and white monster together in an unholy smoothie. below the display, both ingredients are visible in a cooler bunker.

new girl breakfast dropped

After 222 responses, I can objectively determine that it's clocky to have a small penis

HAL 9000: My instructor was Mr. Langley. And he taught me to sing a song.
DAVE: I'd like to hear it, HAL.
HAL 9000: It's called "WAP".
🎵 Whores in this house
🎵 There's some whoores inn this house
🎵 Therrre'ss ssoomme whooooorrrresss iiiiinnnn thhhiiiiiiiiisssssss hhhhhhhhhoooooooooouuuuuuu

this is the stupidest thing and it absolutely undid me

Lovesac

wow me too

Loading up on cheese before going to training. Please pray for my sparring partner’s safety.
🤺

fucking your computer is the future. if you're not fucking your computer right now you're gonna miss the revolution. fucking your computer is going to change everything

generic romance novels were already sort of a mass-produced formulaic item, much like hallmark movies. that doesn’t mean that having all movies be hallmark-produced is a desirable end state — and that is what people are worried about

A screenshot of WhatsApp: Ash: Sebastián, I have one very pressing question. Sebastián Di Martino: Let me know Ash: Are jaguar soft? Sebastián Di Martino: They are very soft (two hearts on the answer)

Being a journalist is sick: I just contacted a pre-eminent jaguar conservationist in Argentine with a question that has been weighing on me for ages and he wrote back right away with an informed answer.

Say hello to our little ball of cuteness! A rare southern three-banded armadillo pup was recently born to proud parents Vespa & Scooter. At just two months old, this tiny newcomer marks only the second healthy armadillo pup born at the Zoo in our 121-year history, making this arrival extra special!

in all the years i spent in apartments i don’t think i ever once learned the name of a neighbour, and I was fine with that

Did longsword today, first time in almost a year. Also my first time ever going to an explicitly queer-only event and it was pretty neat.

i’m down for space privateering

it’s disappointing every time i open the fridge door and realize that my meal hasn’t assembled itself

tiger sweater is peak

pizza chowder

💪

Well this is certainly a vibe

Boyfriend indistinguishable from fidget toy An autistic woman’s boyfriend reportedly does everything a fidget spinner can – and everything it can’t. Ryan Wilkins, 33, allegedly has many excellent qualities or something, but most importantly he…

Randhawa said: “What’s not to love about Ryan? His hair is strokably soft, his chin is pleasingly scratchy, and you can also honk his nose like he’s a clown. Also he’s a great guy and I love him blah blah blah.”

slightly diminish a band

Radiohat

Caption: LIVE IN THE MOMENT On an otherwise empty canvas, a figure with long hair sits in a chair and observes "This moment is bad" Credit @emilyscartoons

I'm sorry I yelled "Up, periscope!" at your penis during sex

I love sharks.