Been a minute 🤭

Always wearing a Naruto shirt 😅

Do I make this profile private and just start posting dick or 🤣

🔒🤭

Ugh I love holding my husbands butt while we watch tv 🤤😏

Editing pdfs all day has got to be the most boring thing on the planet

Getting a little bold at work 😬

Video games are better when you're naked. I don't make the rules 🤷🏻‍♂️

Guess what?! I'm horny again... horny still? Whatever. How's everyone's day going?

I ❤️ dick

Is being horny enough of a reason to leave work?

Just saw someone refer to Cheryl Hines as The Marvelous Mrs. Measles and 💀💀💀💀💀💀

The way I just sucked the life out of that tootsie roll pop at work 😮‍💨

Mornin' babes 😋
• name: Derek
• pronouns: he/him(or literally whatever, idc)
• height: 5’5"
• sexuality: gay af
• sign: ☀️Cancer 🌙Virgo ⬆️Libra
• piercings: 5
• tattoos: 17
• fav color: Blue or Green
• fav drink: Cider when it's cold out, iced tea when it's warm out
• fav animal: Crow
• MBTI: INFP

An owl with some attitude.

Once again forgot to drink water all day like a champ 🤘🏻

Gettin' juiced on the booch at work

Having Hulu on my phone "just to listen" to shows at work has failed every single time, I end up spacing out watching whatever show is on 🤣

It's my birthday, send dick and/or butt pics thank you 😊

My birthday is tomorrow so I'll be playing video games and smokin' all day 🤭

The healing sucks if you have to wear tight shoes for work, but nah it's not bad

She's cute 🥰

I just want to sit on the porch, stare at our garden, and smoke a blunt the size of my fist

Gonna get high and eat so much Chinese food I can't make up the stairs to bed

Happy Birthday 😋

A rabbit thinking outside an IHOP: "That's a stupid sign. You don't hop. You've never hopped. Lying little restaurant with you bullshit sign. Fuck you."

Good morning

The lighting in here is nice some times

Making coffee and smoking a bowl is my favorite morning ritual 🫦

homer simpson is driving a car with a purple background ALT: homer simpson is driving a car with a purple background

Right here 🤘🏻😶‍🌫️

Gayle King calling herself an astronaut makes me want to put my face in a bowl of bleach and take a nice deep breath.