Well. You can tell who never paid attention in geography class. And civics. And grammar. And social studies.

They are conspiring against me, I tell you.

I must be doing something wrong because my shampoo and body wash do not make me nearly as happy in the shower as these models in the commercials seem to be.

I am convinced there’s a mass conspiracy amongst local stores to always put the things my short 5’2” self needs on the highest shelves.

I’m gonna start carrying a step stool.

Every time I make muffins or cookies or pie, I like to tell myself I’m the goddess of baked goods as I take them out of the oven.

🎶 Sometimes, I even sing it. 🎶

I may need a T-shirt.

Nobody talks about his hard it is to be both a people pleaser and a committed curmudgeon

I’ll just be here dunking my chocolate Oreo in my whiskey in a teacup. Carry on

I find myself needing a stronger word than “vile”

I sometimes think my toxic trait - and what drove me to be a reporter - is wanting to understand why. The motivations and the reasoning. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized sometimes there isn’t a “why” that I can really understand.

When are certain people going to learn that “negging” doesn’t work?

‘Tis the season for ordering things and hoping they don’t melt on my front porch before I can get home ☀️🥵

Every now and then, I have an intense craving for Waffle House. I’m not sure if this is a southern thing (thang) or not, y’all.

I couldn’t take the news anymore, so I threw myself into dress shopping and entered a whole new realm of anxiety and too many choices…

So…yay, me?!

Ok. I guess I see how a burn it all down approach would appeal.

Just saw the headline “Mysterious pyramid, ancient bronze coins discovered by archaeologists”

Y’all need to leave that stuff alone. We are in enough trouble already. Don’t risk awakening an ancient curse

I not only have too much bounce in my walk to carry a tall stack of plates, I’m beginning to be concerned about too-full mugs of coffee too

Wouldst thou like the taste of butter?

Well, hell yes.

As I was walking out of the bookstore, this man decided to stop his car and let me cross in front of him and I did the “cheers!” gesture to him with my coffee cup

What? It’s friendly! 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s a good vanilla latte with an extra shot of espresso! That’s primo, baby.

Oh look, a book where a bubbly city girl moves to a small town and a grumpy but gorgeous local guy comes out of his shell and falls for her. What an unlikely pairing! Will it work?

I’ve read 100 of these, but it’s about to be 101. I’m disconnecting from reality. Leave me alone.

It’s time to watch 30 Rock and eat tacos and not think about all this *gestures around vaguely* for a bit.

My ex man brought his new girlfriend…

I make the best coffee in the office, so y’all can just put up with me dancing and singing Shake It Off (sorta quietly) as I make it.

Some people never had their mawmaw say “God don’t like ugly, baby girl” to them as she raised an eyebrow and put her hands on her hips (aka the you’re about to get in trouble with a capital T position)

And it shows

In my defense, it wasn’t exactly screaming “message from a higher power”

Driving to work, I happened to get stuck in traffic by a minivan from New Jersey blasting the pina colada song at top volume.

This gentleman has obviously been sent here to destroy me.

Ah, sleep…why hast thou forsaken me?

If loving you is wrong, then I don’t want to be right

— Me to a plate of chili cheese fries

Gomez amd Morticia watching unimpressed at the stupidity of the current goings on.

All of us right now.

Is it wrong that I’d love it if they played a little number from West Side Story during this game?
No, neither team is my team, but I’d totally watch. 🤷🏻‍♀️🏒🥅⛸️

I make the shopping list, I need to stick to it, I don’t need…oh look! Cadbury Creme Eggs!