buddy if I wanted a pedophile who sends Ice into the downtown cores of major cities I'd-ahhhhhh---?(voice trails off)

the funniest saga in Toronto right now is Drake installed a two-storey block of solid ice downtown - presumably, when it melts, it'll reveal an album release date - and for the past day the world's most unemployed Tiktokers have tried in vain to break it with icepicks, sledgehammers and blowtorches

A clickbait BlogTo headline about the bar Grace O'Malley's in Toronto shutting down

RIP to Grace O'Malleys the shitty Irish pub where a friend once saw Brett Lawrie of the Toronto Blue Jays chug a can of Red Bull and then crush the can against his forehead

Gotta at least give me some whimsy if you're gonna be a conspiracy guy, "I believe in the Loch Ness Monster" hell yeah I mean you're wrong but tell me more, "I think the brain-damaged abuser didn't commit the well-documented murder that contains his DNA", nope, dump it, double dump it for Benoit

This particular conspiracy just clocks at an absolute 0 for me, this is just absolving a murderer with a proven track record of spousal abuse and the most well-documented, airtight, open-and-shut murder case in history. Boooooo, pass, skip

Alex Jones is truly one of the most evil people alive. He's lucky he lives in an era where the punishment for behavior like his is losing your website and not thumbscrews.

ah man that's too bad he can't spend like $5 million dollars worth of Toronto Sun readers' money to finish behind Gong

Yep! Game I went to earlier this month had the full lights-out, arena-wide graphics show, "get your flashlights out" Thanos entrance for him.

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars.

We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director.

Please stand by for more.

Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park saying "you did it, you crazy son of a bitch you did it"

a Photoshop I made of Bush's famous Mission Accomplished aircraft carrier photo except Trump's face is on Bush's (meaning that, yes, Trump does not have his characteristic cube-like body) and a series of banners say "Mission Accomplished", Actually There Was No War, Mission Re-Accomplished, Sleepy Joe Biden Failed The Mission, Mission Re-Re-Re-Accomplished

Game ops-wise (most important part of baseball) it'd be pretty funny if Hoffman still gets the full "stadium lights off, full-on light show, get your cellphone flashlights out" entrance just to come into a game in the 7th

You've gotta hand it to that guy who makes Career Ladder videos, he may not be funny or entertaining but at least he's also extremely bad at guessing peoples' careers

I didn't watch it but by all accounts, Wrestlemania night 1 was hot dogshit. I really do not need to watch 3 hours of ads for Netflix, DudeWipes, and influencer guest appearances interrupted by a few Raw-quality 6-minute-long wrestling matches

Madusa/Alundra Blayze On the @Creed cruise and some things take priority! @WWE #wrestlemania    Congrats to everyone (Photo of her watching a bootleg stream with her bare feet in frame for no reason)

the platonic ideal of a former wrestler tweet

Alundra Blayze posting that she:
- is on a Creed-themed cruise
- is watching a bootleg illegal stream of Wrestlemania on a site called streamed dot pk instead of just paying for Netflix
- bare feet on main just to rile up the freaks

There's one district on that Calgary map that takes a chunk of people living within Calgary city limits, paying Calgary taxes and voting for mayors in a city of 1.7 million people, and stretches so far west that it's into the fucking Rocky Mountains

That map of Calgary's proposed new electoral divisions by Danielle Smith is so comically gerrymandered it's ridiculous. Taking a sliver of every part around the city's edges and expanding it 50km into the countryside to swing the vote at least 51% UCP.

Jurassic Park "I really hate that man"

- Jeff Hoffman, demoted from closer role due to general shittiness, entering in the 8th in a 2-2 tie
- "good maybe this will fix him"
- "maybe the pressure of closing was the problem"
- "his underlying analytics are actually pretty-"
- single
- single
- walk
- grand slam

Best fact I learned from our (very chatty and funny) zookeeper guide: they give "scent enrichment" to some animals as a treat just because certain smells make them happy. The naked mole rats love baking spices. The snow leopards go nuts for coconut body spray from Bath & Body Works.

This is Brock. He's an African tortoise and he's my new friend. Fun fact he used to live at the Ontario Science Center but he was rehomed to the Toronto Zoo after the government shut down the OSC. He enjoys burrowing and lettuce. He's 19 and his girlfriend is 80.

Sometimes you should just let yourself take the behind-the-scenes zoo tour where you get to feed cat toys full of bugs to the meerkats

I don't recall any previous transformative technologies that had to be sold to the public so hard. No one in 1999 was going, "Guys. Cell phone? It's coming, whether we like it or not. I think it's important, FOR WOMEN ESPECIALLY, to learn about cell phone. So that we're not left behind!!"

The NL Transit Map would also have multiple Out Of Service stops (no mass transit station near the ballpark) joining TB, TEX & KC:
- ATL
- MIA* (borderline: station 1 mile away)
- MIL

SD & CIN borderline (trolley/streetcar) but I included the Detroit People Mover so my bar for "mass transit" is low

I think the guy who just bought a 29 million dollar private jet should definitely be in charge of deciding whether Toronto should allow jets to zip in and out of its downtown airport

Daisy Ridley AND Rupert Grint? Is this like a make-work project for careers that didn't pan out after the big franchise

how'd we do?

oh that's ah.... hm. That seems like something they uhh maybe shoulda...... huh.

Bermuda-bound passengers try to make best of it when ship is diverted to Saint John First cruise ship wasn't expected in Saint John until late June

When Laura Ambrose got an email two days before her cruise to Bermuda that the ship would actually be going to New Brunswick because of poor weather, she thought it was a joke. "I thought it was a late April Fools joke, to be honest," Ambrose said after disembarking in Saint John on Wednesday. "I kept waiting for them to say, 'Ha, ha. April Fools.' No, that didn't happen."

Obsessed with this story about an American cruise ship that was supposed to go to Bermuda and days before it set sail the passengers were told that instead of Bermuda they'd be going to...

Saint John, New Brunswick in April

Kids in Uganda wearing Man U jerseys didn't buy them because of the might of the Manchester TV market they bought them for Ronaldo and Rooney. Middle-aged guys in Kentucky in Packers jerseys don't care that Green Bay has 100,000 citizens they just liked watching Brett Favre throw bombs in the 90s.

We live in a post-market size world. The most famous sports team in the world is located in Manchester, England (population 580,000), a city roughly the size of Albuquerque, NM or Surrey, BC. Build it and they will come.