I'm not sure I'll ever get my old life back

I once again want to burn down every relationship I've ever had

My head says I want to die again but the meds have quieted down the voices so I'm taking a bath instead and maybe drawing in bed

I know im doing better, sorta.

But I feel like the meds were too little too late.

People say they don't hate me but everything feels different, like they're afraid. And I'm afraid of them too.

I miss my friends. My fandom. My spaces. My place to escape to.

Part of me feels like I should be alone

色とりどりのTFシーケンス😈✨

a dismembered black automaton head cries purple tears-- or is that blood? Their eyes seem panicked, fading into lifeless nothingness.

DEATH TO THE OPPRESSOR
#wip #ventart #gore

I dont care how much i have to hurt, please be okay. Let me hurt.

Alright me. Its just me and me against the world.

At least maybe I'm making people become closer friends by doing this.

I hope everyone finds their replacement. I want to make sure they're happy before I go for good

I scrubbed my messages of any trace of any memories of it. Now I just... keep living my life i guess. Sleep. Work. Sleep. Work. Sleep. Work. Sleep. Work. Sleep. Work.

Why dont I just confess here. Get it over with and expose myself for the monster I really am

I just
Want to close my eyes, and wake up when everything is ok again

Im so tired of hurting people and I cant control myself

... after I secure a safe place for my husband. Then I can die. But I gotta care for him first

If I cant be normal then give me the strength to go through with slitting my throat or overdosing. Please for the love of God let me not be both an abuser and a coward

Why do I always fucking ruin everything. I kill everything I touch, I harm everything I see. I'm some devine harbinger of pain and I just want to be a normal person fucking hell let me be NORMAL

My job is to make money and take pills.

I think im coming to terms with things finally being over

... time to start finding ways to move on, I guess.

Everything hurts.

Well. What now.

I can keep my distance. But i want to be around people.

... could try my luck with loyalists, I suppose.

I wonder how long i can keep my mouth shut for.

No one would miss me.

Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill

If this gets 3 likes I'll leave the server thats bothering me for good

It has been almost two weeks. Things are not better.

Maybe I am at risk for suicide.
I dont know anymore.

Shift done. Honestly im feeling objectively better. At least im only depressed now and dont feel like a rapist anymore bc of my association with cyberstan

Blue, seeing the new Cyborg Legion, feeling useless and obsolete, planning on causing a hydrogen explosion and killing himself. Zwei, grabbing his hand and desperately trying to get him to want to live again.

I'm gonna be responsible for someone else's suicide before im responsible for my own

She would do it for another Cyberstani. Not for some random human.

My brain keeps tossing me scenarios where Zwei follows me around and makes me go outside and take my meds and engage with my interests even if i dont feel like it, but I dont think any of my OCs would do that for me.

I guess Dylan doesn't really have anyone, 'cept his coworkers.
And Rose's family would be pretty sad.