a young boy in a yellow shirt is standing in front of a woman holding a cup of coffee . ALT: a young boy in a yellow shirt is standing in front of a woman holding a cup of coffee .

United Healthcare Board: alright team it’s time to name a new CEO!

Every exec:

Historically we have Thanksgiving dinner around 7 or 8pm. My parents were so excited about getting food on the table by 5 that my mom made my dad take a commemorative picture

Calling my dad with tears in my eyes to say “I understand now” after having the time of my life spending a Sunday morning in Home Depot

yoo charli is funny lol

They got Mike Tyson ass out on Netflix

This man is sick

Underrated aspect of bein short is swingin my legs sitting on tall chairs. You can’t fathom my whimsy

He won’t but I truly think it would be net positive if Tyson killed Jake Paul

a man is standing in front of a crowd holding a sign that says america safety first . ALT: a man is standing in front of a crowd holding a sign that says america safety first .

The worm controlling RFK’s brain realizing he’s getting away with it

The worm controlling RFK’s brain realizing he’s getting away with it

reposting my viral tweets here and feeling like a guy wearing his high school letterman jacket in college

a man in a red jacket is carrying another man on his back in a living room ALT: a man in a red jacket is carrying another man on his back in a living room

Yeah I was in the Thriller music video, but my scene got cut. I played a guy also in the house who jumped and screamed when Michael Jackson turned around looking like that