a man with glasses is smiling with the words assistant to the assistant regional manager written below him ALT: a man with glasses is smiling with the words assistant to the assistant regional manager written below him

#ASongOrMovieForOfficeJobs
Middle Management Age Crazy

feels like anytime someone says hey you could be president it’s an insult now

If at first you don’t succeed…

Just quit, loser.

A lot of people are saying that you can buy “groceries” at a “corner store.”

A striped cat appears to be “yelling” at a kitten with the exact same coloring. The kitten’s eyes are wide open and their ears pinned back.

you just know somebody’s being called by their full name right now

a man in a black shirt and black pants is walking through a dirt field . ALT: a man in a black shirt and black pants is walking through a dirt field .

#ASongOrMovieForSynonymsForBig
Inglorious Vast Turds

a close up of a person arranging a bouquet of roses made out of bacon ALT: a close up of a person arranging a bouquet of roses made out of bacon

#MakeAnythingSoundShakespearean
A rose, by any other name, would smell as meat.

Music, my brass.

Nobody told me these suspenders were going to give me cameltoe

A round, fried hors d'oeuvre sits on a plate with a shocked expression. It is surrounded by others like it, except for an empty spot next to it.

“GUYS! WAKE UP! SOME DUDE JUST ATE CARL!”

a cat is sitting on a robotic vacuum cleaner in a living room . ALT: a cat is sitting on a robotic vacuum cleaner in a living room .

#WhenMyBroomIsInTheShop
I work the roomba.

Over a Mountain and Under the Wire

a Scottish Canadian returns to his childhood home to conquer a 900-year-old race. In January 2013, Keith Anderson committed himself to achieving his decade-long dream of competing in the hill race at Scotland’s world famous Braemar Gathering. A native of this…

a man in a hard hat is standing on a ladder while another man holds a white ball ALT: a man in a hard hat is standing on a ladder while another man holds a white ball

#SpacedOutSpringActivities
planeting your bulbs

a man in a chef 's hat sits at a table with a large piece of bread ALT: a man in a chef 's hat sits at a table with a large piece of bread

#ASongOrMovieForFoodIngredients
Counting Flours on the Wall

If towels could tell jokes, they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.

Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!

tommy james and the shondells are featured on this stereo 8 track tape ALT: tommy james and the shondells are featured on this stereo 8 track tape

#FoundAtTheRecordStore
The 8-Tracks of My Tears

a man with a beard is holding a snake in his mouth ALT: a man with a beard is holding a snake in his mouth

#ASongOrMovieForUnusualJobs
Snake Milkers on a Plane

An excited dog sits next to a scowling cat in a bicycle basket.

“This is awesome! Don’t you think this is awesome? So awesome!”

“You are SO immature.”

Squirrels have it made. They forage for food all day while doing parkour and when the weather sucks, they just stay in bed for days.

I hope they're fixing Bluesky so that people like my posts

i never drink milk what if my skeleton gets too strong and escapes

along came pollen

a little boy is playing with a hose in a yard . ALT: a little boy is playing with a hose in a yard .

#WillNotStop
and smell the hoses

donald trump in a suit and tie is sitting in a crowd of people ALT: donald trump in a suit and tie is sitting in a crowd of people

#ASongOrMovieForBlahBlahBlah
Bore of the Worlds

charlie brown is sitting at a desk in a classroom with his hand to his chin . ALT: charlie brown is sitting at a desk in a classroom with his hand to his chin .

#ASongOrMovieForBlahBlahBlah
Bad Charlie Brown's Teacher

Release the Epstein Files

I’m not saying, but I’m just saying…

If you pick a fight with Canada AND the Pope…

You might be an asshole.

“Other than make first sex with Donald on hees private plane, I not even know Jeffrey Epstein!”

-Malignia

Well, duh… everybody knows that ice cream eaten from a coffee mug has no calories.