ANYWAYS. WHATEVER. IVE BEEN DOING COLOR STUDIES. THEYRE HARD! but fun. the biggest hurdle really is sharing them in a group (#mycringe) but doing them with other people is truly the best way to learn

accordingly and not waste time and money figuring things out
blehhh

i really wish i had this all done and over with when i was 18-20
it just feels even worse going through this now like i feel fr stupid

it never stops sucking whenever im in a situation of trying to discern if im succumbing to sunk cost fallacy and should stop where i still can, or if im not trying hard enough and should just stick through to the end
like why cant life just have future progressions visible to you so you can choose

me after finishing a zine piece: woah! i have so much time to draw what i want now!
the schoolwork thats been piling up behind me:

crashed out hard yesterday that i didnt get any work done
on the other hand, yay tomolife

ohhhh i reeaally dont like working with paint

ok. one zine down, one more to go. thankfully the other zine is relatively simpler so i can get through it quicker
i need to catch up on schoolwork
but otherwise . i draw a million caines now. or die for the next 2 weeks

15 min walk there, 15 min walk back, not accounting for having to get ready to go out
and then being too exhausted for at least a couple hours after i get back
plus the stress of wasting time when i could be working on other things
and my body prone to getting easily sore
hmm yep this is normal

honestly maybe its a sign of something being wrong with me when the idea of a 15 minute walk feels like itll take out half the entire day for me

keep yourself together bsky come on
im taking up permanent residency on tumblr if this shit keeps up

im entering its unknowable entity era
i dont want to play with you anymore /tosses away his human design
(jk i hold that guy close to my heart. but also no more humans)

also i think im gonna change his pronouns to be he/it

im bringing curtain hair nighty back, idk why i ever doubted myself its literally the best idea ive ever had for his design

have to deal with damp socks for the next few hours because i wore my walking shoes that are horribly NOT water resistant and its raining like hell today ohhhh im gonna be so normal right now

its never not jarring when i realize that time of year when i turn another year older is coming around the corner
i keep hoping one of these years ill actually look forward to it, but until then, i do not see

holy shit its oct time baby

im gonna be reeeaaal i have no hope of caine ever returning . i dont know if its in the cards
HOWEVER
i am very excited to learn more abt the circumstances of his creation and what led to the circus being made. i think he'll for sure play a big part in what will presumably be flashback segments

"why would i pay to watch an episode if i can watch it for free on youtube?" streaming has ruined people

ive been chasing the high of NS for so long but i think its time i accept hes reached his peak in rp and at this point, i can only best portray him through illustrations and comics now
like i want to lock in and present him to the world properly. thats my guy

anyways i might be cordoning off nighty into a "look dont touch" zone soon, ive been feeling aggressively protective over him past the point of no longer wanting to use him in rps (??!!)

but i cant tell them whats new about the oc bc i havent figured it out yet
so now i need that oc to go into hibernation for like 3 years so ppl can forget about them and i can be like btw i revamped them :)
and then the cycle begins anew

i have these moments where i want to tear down everything about an oc i made and restart from scratch but i feel bad bc those ocs already made an impression on friends and it feels weird to be like oh yeah forget everything you knew about that guy

not like, entirely
hes still gonna be nighty, but ive been reconsidering the name 'nightingale' as a whole

im gonna be deadass ive been considering renaming nighty

miraculously i made it through the night

:( :( :( uurrhhhh

fuuckfcucj im awake now because i feel like im on the verge of throwing up and my body feels weird but theres no urges yet so im just lying here tensed up and waiting for when i inevitably have to make a mad dash for the bathroom
i dont want to deal with this hell, just let it be done with already

one of those days where i feel like i spent the day well because i went out and did things on a nice sunny day and interacted with people, instead of bedrotting
but now im tired and its only 2pm but i still have tasks to do that i should get done before my friends arrive home and oouugghh aaaugh

im struggling so hard to lock in oouuaaagghhgh

of course in classic fashion, a doodle i drew in 15 minutes gets a ridiculous amount of attention while im not looking